Q. I was recently lent six books by a friend I see regularly for yoga. I was bemoaning the fact I didn’t have a novel on the go and she said she would bring one or two she has really enjoyed for me to borrow. I have read one and started another but I can tell they are not really for me. How do I get around this conundrum without insulting her taste in literature?
– H.E., Tavistock, Devon
A. Can you return them saying you ended up only reading one because you’ve rediscovered your passion for something like knitting? Also do say what you thought of the one you did read. As for insulting the taste of your friend, you are presuming too much to think that she will be insulted, rather than pitying you for your poor taste.
Q. With regard to the problem of young people eating with one hand over their mouth, mentioned here last week, I have found the following method has served me well with my own son’s girlfriend. I think the answer might be to say: ‘I am so sorry, I am slightly deaf and I have discovered that I lip-read without really knowing it. I never quite know if people are saying something when they put their hand in front of their mouth. Would you mind humouring me by not covering yours?’
– Name and address withheld
A. All said very pleasantly and with great warmth? Yes, a good idea. Thank you for sharing this tip.
Q. I would welcome your advice on how I can start saying ‘No’ to people who I genuinely like but with whom I keep agreeing to have lunch or go and stay when I don’t actually have time to do these things. It’s partly because I don’t want to be rude, but mainly because I was brought up to be as jolly as possible and to try to cheer others up by being enthusiastic about meeting up socially and what fun it will be. It’s difficult when you run into somebody on the street or at a wedding and you are fond of them and so you end up accepting. This week I drove for many miles to have lunch with a woman I only quite like and it meant I didn’t get on with some important work I’m trying to finish. How, without seeming really unfriendly, can I start to turn down invitations?
– E.B., Horsted, Sussex
A. You can avoid being put on the spot by insisting that, as you have a paper diary and can’t work the one on your phone, you can’t give them an answer until you get home and have a look in it. In this way you give the inviter time to calm down and be readier to accept a refusal or at least a postponement.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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