Q. I have a dear friend who is in a newish relationship. The partner – whom I hardly know – recently visited my city, asked to stay, and groped me soon after arriving. I would like to maintain my relationship with my friend, but if I invite him for dinner he’ll ask to bring his partner, whom I don’t wish to see. Mary, is there a delicate way to handle this without causing a fuss?
— Name and address withheld
A. Tell him that you have booked a pedicure for both of you – a one-hour session where you will be seated side-by-side in the salon. This will enable you to have a proper catch-up while such things as thickening toenails are dealt with. There will be no opportunity for his new partner to muscle in.
Q. Not only is it becoming difficult to find proper Christmas cards but one has to take into consideration the cost of the card, the exorbitant price of stamps and never quite knowing if the postman actually delivers them. The animated e-cards which you can send via computer are OK occasionally for grandchildren but I find them too dumbed-down otherwise. Do you have any suggestions for how to keep in touch with people at this time of year?
— H.S., London SW11
A. It is important to send traditional cards to the elderly. They treasure them. You can still buy proper Christmas cards from the shops of art galleries, but another option is useum.org. It has a marvellous selection of artworks including nativity scenes, Madonna and child etc. These make lovely (free) e-cards which you can personalise with your own message. The company notifies you when each card has been ‘opened’.
Q. My wife and my brother’s wife get on well but there are tensions around the disparity in income between our households. They have asked if they can move into our (much bigger and more comfortable) house over Christmas since we will be away. Our housekeeper will not be coming in over Christmas and so, because they are, frankly, slobs, I am envisaging a showdown when my wife sees the state of the house on our return – a couple of hours before my brother’s family leaves. If it were anyone else we would just ask our housekeeper to come in on the morning of their departure but my sister-in-law would see this as offensive and insulting. How can I sidestep this row?
— Name and address withheld
A. Ask the housekeeper to come in anyway and explain to your brother that although you know it will have been left spotless by his family, you are expecting a friend with an OCD neurosis about cleanliness to join you and have to accommodate her needs.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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