Dear Mary: How do I tell my friends that napkin rings are the height of naff?

Q. Three weeks ago I banged my head on the lower branch of our near neighbours’ tree, which I couldn’t see from under my peaked cap. I delivered a polite and non-threatening letter explaining that I wasn’t badly hurt and that the branch of their tree overhanging the pavement was a danger they should kindly arrange to remove. Although they were in residence, I received no acknowledgement of my letter, but this morning their entire tree came crashing down in the storm. Mary, please advise how I should write to thank them for their courtesy in arranging this divine intervention?

— T.L. (86), London NW11

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Patrick West

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A. For all sorts of practical reasons it is better to stay on good terms with neighbours. It is the same with in-laws. You must make every effort to rise above their inadequacies, since a harmonious relationship will pay dividends long-term. Therefore resist the urge to taunt them. Instead feign sympathy when you next see them — and ‘don’t mention the war’.

Q. My cousin is giving a party and has mistakenly invited a guest she hardly knows. He gets overexcited by names that feature in gossip columns and another guest is bringing a woman whose surname denotes centuries of American wealth and power. My cousin wonders if she should introduce this socially prominent lady by first name only, to avoid the male guest making a fool of himself?

— E.S., Sussex (briefly in USA)

A. The Rockefeller (or whoever it is) will be used to people making fools of themselves — although obviously your cousin doesn’t want this man’s unsophisticated reactions to reflect badly on her. Perhaps she could confide in the little-known guest that she is a nervous host because the last time she had this Rockefeller on the premises her evening was ruined by a ‘terrible climber who I should never have invited — who gushed and gushed and virtually stalked her all evening.