Diary – 4 March 2006

I was revolting from a very early age and more than once thought of taking over a radio station and starting a revolution. In those days the wireless exerted far more influence than the newspapers, at least in our house. I can still remember the opening sentence of my call to arms. Rise up, rise up, the moment is at hand. At this distance I can’t recall what particular cause provoked the necessity for an uprising, but I do know I’d been reading Red Eagle by Dennis Wheatley and that in my satchel I had a picture of Marshal Budenny, a man with a moustache straight out of a pantomime. Recently I have again felt a surge of rebellion owing to various issues that occupy both airwaves and press, among them smoking, sex, the amount of water we put in the bath, the emerging Channel Tunnel rail terminal at King’s Cross, and the use of ‘unnecessarily insensitive’ language.

I was forced to give up cigarettes two years back after the nail on my big toe turned grey. This was apparently due to a vein in my leg beginning to clog up with fumes, but then I always did inhale rather deeply. Which is why I’m taking an interest in the smoking problem, and have thought up subtle ways of solving it. When advertising for staff in pubs, clubs, restaurants etc., why not simply state that non-smokers need not apply? Those who want to continue with the habit could sign a form saying that in the event of lung cancer or heart trouble they would not expect to be given free medical treatment — that is if the cause of the illness could be proved to be due to the weed. On the other hand, those who gave up could sue if they developed Parkinson’s disease or severe colitis.