MONDAY
Sawubona! And what terrific feedback from our South African adventure. Although it was touch and go at first. The poor guy was obviously extremely nervous about meeting such an iconic figure. But Dave put Mandela immediately at his ease by asking him whether Robben Island had a House system. Soon they were chatting away like old chums, swapping stories about the deprivation and hardship of their youth. (Reading between the lines of the summary notes, I think it was obvious that Eton in the Seventies was a bit tougher than de Klerk’s penal system but I don’t think Dave laboured the point.)
Anyway, the upshot is we’re all friends now. Jed says the tipping point was Mr M’s appearance on the garden makeover show Ground Force. ‘Any friend of Alan Titchmarsh is a friend of the Conservative party.’ Nigel says it all goes to show that one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s rebranding opportunity. So poignant. Next stop, Washington!
TUESDAY
Mr Redwood being perfectly horrid about Gideon’s super-dooper pledge to scrap stamp duty on shares. Going round telling backbenchers it’s a ‘mincing metrosexual’s tax cut, a tax cut that dare not speak its name’. Poor G v upset. I mean, is ‘JR’ from another planet or something?!
Jed searching for a mission statement to go with our new logo, whenever he manages to choose it. (Current favourite — two hands clasping a bunch of organic rhubarb.) Something based on fraternity and community, identity and ‘the sphere of belonging’. Nigel suggests: ‘By the strength of our common endeavour we achieve quite a bit more than we do alone.’ Not sure this will work.
WEDNESDAY
Working flat out on ‘Stressed Britannia’ project, part of our Wellbeing Agenda (though liaising with a certain someone with two brains is not making me feel very well). We’ve hired some v expensive experts to measure how tense Britain is (they’ve come up with 32 per cent) and a separate panel of experts to devise policies to address the issue. Head of the panel admits it’s all nonsense but he wants a safe seat so he’s not going to argue. Mr Willetts convinced you can actually measure Unhappiness and suggests they use Mr Letwin as a control.
Today they hauled Ollie out of the tranquil-lity room where he was having a nice screaming session and hooked him up to the ‘Stresso-meter’. The needle went off the dial.
Everyone distraught: Hillary has turned down our conference speaking request. Having to make do with the man from the oven chips empire! Hope he doesn’t bring free samples, which would be tacky.
THURSDAY
Dave wondering whether we can adapt the South African constitution for our mission statement. Something like: ‘We, the people of the Conservative party, recognise the injustices of our past; Honour those who suffered to change our party; Respect those who have worked to keep it the same; and Believe that our party belongs to all who live in it, united in our diversity.’ Now that’s more like it!
tamzin.lightwater@spectator.co.uk
Comments