Monday
I love August! So exciting. Dave is in totally secret location in Corfu. Only Jed and an agency snapper know the details. This is part of brilliant ‘deflection’ strategy. If anything goes wrong, e.g., shad. cab. split on Middle East erupts, we roll out pics of Dave in O’Neill surf shorts. Genius! If row really bad — e.g., Foxy manages to work out we’ve put a bar on his mobile phone to stop him calling journalists — we have pics of Dave with trunks slightly falling down. I hope it won’t come to that. Poor Dave, the things he does for the Cause. Even though he’s by a pool with his mates from ‘Bully’ — not sure what this means, can’t be about darts surely? — he conducts big conference call on Lebanon. Maureen on switchboard does brilliant job holding up William long enough for Dave to agree line with Jed first. It’s the little people who keep things ticking over, you know.
Tuesday
Have thought of one — a policy, I mean! Was riding Sesame when it came to me. Inspired by recent announcements, especially Hugo Swire and Eric Pickles’s ‘Save the Great British Holiday’ — handing out lollies and campaign postcards from an ice-cream van (brilliant!) — it occurred to me that what Dave really wants are groundbreaking ideas expressed in simple terms that ordinary people can understand. So, having gone home early to skive, it suddenly hit me: why not say that under a Tory government we will all work less?! We could have a 35-hour week, like the Frogs. Pas difficile! It ticks so many boxes: General Well Being, standing up to Big Business (boo! hiss!), being quite nice about EU as part of our rebranding exercise (Operation Amnesia). Tell Nigel my idea. He calls Jed over and makes me explain it again.
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