Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 16 August 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Copies of lads mags found lying around leaders’ office: 5 (v bad); pounds shed by Mr Pickles in name of Being The Change: 0 (v bad); inquiries about why we haven’t launched any green taxes yet: 67 (v v bad); pages read of Quick Guide To The Caucasus: one and a half (vg).

So stressed, might have to take a second holiday. Am fairly sure it’s party policy to have two. Think I took the memo ordering us to stay in Britain too literally. Tom says it means that you take a week in a dreary boarding house, then clear off for two weeks somewhere sunny for a proper break. It’s a jolly expensive way of showing how down to earth we are, but that’s political integrity for you. Meanwhile have drawn short straw and must ring Mr Hague to tell him that his statement calling on Russia to ‘maybe have a bit of a rethink’ has been replaced with one by Dave calling Putin a despicable bully. Reckon I’m in for at least half an hour of ‘oh dear oh dear oh dears’.
Another one of those strange nuisance calls. Someone calling himself Chief of Staff to the Former Shadow Home Secretary rings to ask why the FSHS was not consulted before we announced plans to make it easier for the police to conduct surveillance on innocent, I mean non-terrorist, suspects. He hereby informs us that the FSHS thinks our policy is tantamount to creating a police state and a betrayal of everything we stand for! So what do we propose to do about it?

I said we proposed to do precisely nothing. There is absolutely no chance of the policy being dropped. It was Gary’s idea and he’s so excited about giving police the power to use covert video and listening devices anywhere, any time they want — he’s like a child at Christmas.

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