Monday
Ugh. Have been in Tranquillity Room all day. Was meant to be briefing Mr Gove’s new policy of making all children geniuses by age of six but got migraine. Told Jed I would be lying in the dark thought-storming.
Wondered a lot about how our proposal to end mixed-ability classes and bring in ‘setting’ might be applied to the shadow Cabinet. Obviously Mr Letwin, Mr Willetts and Mr Gove would be in the top set. Gids, Mr Hague and Foxy would be in the middle. Spelman, Lansley, May, Villiers and little Grant Shapps would be in the bottom, might even qualify for extra tuition. DD and Mr Mitchell would have to go in that special class they have for ‘challenging kids’.
Anyway, was midway through my deliberations when Mr Letwin burst in with his shirt hanging out all over the place and his hair standing on end. He flung himself on the waterfuton, shouted ‘Oh, oh, ow, oooooh, supply-side revolution!’ then leapt back up and stormed out again. It’s good to be reminded that there’s always someone worse off than you.
Tuesday
Why is everyone losing it? Found out today that Poor Mr Letwin has been quietly sinking under a heap of policy review documents for weeks now. He’s made various coded pleas for help in the media but Dave and Jed have been too busy to notice. Now he may need complete chakra realignment. Sherwood, our lifestyle guru, says we must come up with alternative arrangement for making policy decisions. ‘This man needs to heal.’ Etc., etc.
Mr Hague also seems to be hitting some sort of emotional rock bottom. Increasingly forlorn sounds coming from the Judo Changing Room. The cleaner heard him wailing: ‘Whatever I do just doesn’t seem to work o dear o dear!’
As if that wasn’t bad enough, DD throwing his toys out of the pram, threatening to sue anyone who accuses him of being aggressive.
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