MONDAY
Confusion and misery. Everyone saying Dave has made his first mistake and, quite frankly, I’m beginning to think so myself. If I wasn’t a Cameroon from my Brora bobble hat to my King’s Road pedicure, I wouldn’t know what we stand for at the minute.
It seems that people actually believe the policy commissions are producing ideas that are going to make it into our manifesto! This is one eventuality we hadn’t bargained for. I mean, how could we have predicted people would believe Dave is going to adopt £21 billion worth of tax cuts? Now we’re getting hammered by Mr Brown’s nasty people called Ed for promising things we never were going to promise. Actually. Only now we’re not going to get any votes for not promising them. Or something.
Jed is furious. Says people aren’t meant to be taking any of this seriously yet. ‘We are still in the conception phase.’ Says we need a radical relaunch (hope this means Dave’s going to get new hairdo). Nigel suggests a new slogan: ‘Don’t look now, we’re not ready yet.’
TUESDAY
Six per cent ahead! Jed says he always knew the strategy was working. ‘What we need is more of the same.’ (Which probably means the Kim Jong-Il bouffant is here to stay.)
Terrible news about poor Mr Howard. Lot of v odd emails going round. A global one to all MPs and staff: ‘Some of you may be thinking now is a very good time to delete all files that might get you into horrendous trouble. Can we stress that such a move, while being entirely straightforward and easy to perform, would be highly irregular.’
Some good news — Nigel says I may be part of the team going on our top secret mission to Darfur! Which means I get to travel in the private jet with Dave and dishy Mr Mitchell, who is terrific fun and knows everything there is to know about ponies.
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