Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 30 June 2007

Monday

Horrid, horrid. It’s all election war footing and aggression and shouting round here. Jed has decided we are ‘too nice’. Says he is going to toughen us up and turn us into ‘attack dogs’. (Am prepared to do almost anything for Dave. But the concept of turning me and the girls into dogs, ‘attack’ or otherwise, is — well — just not very nice).

Our lifestyle guru Sherwood has been sent on decorating leave, the positive energy murals have been taken down, Die Hard With a Vengeance is playing on a loop on the TV monitors and the Tranquillity Room is being used for kickboxing. Suzie from Events says it’s almost as bad as when Lynton was around. The Great C. Fist Unit is working flat out devising insults that rhyme for the tabs, and asking various Labour people we’ve never heard of to defect to us in revenge for Gordo trying to make friends with our people. (V funny that GB now the equivalent of a Facebook pest!) Luckily, have been seconded on to the Harriet Hypocrisy team which only involves looking up pictures of Mrs H. wearing unflattering clothes in the 1980s.

Tuesday

Gah! Bev from the Labour press office on the phone again. Can you believe — she reversed the charges! ‘Not all of us are rolling in donations, you know.’ Demanded to know where I got my information for our press release on something called the ‘draft IGC mandate’. A lot of argy bargy and some frankly hair-raising insults before she managed to explain that she meant the new European treaty. She even had the bare-faced cheek to ask if I’d read it. I totally snapped. ‘Of course I’ve read it, how dare you…!’ etc.,