Don’t worry, you’ll be spared

Well, most of you lot should be all right if Anders Breivik gets out of prison and decides to recommence his killing spree here. Or at least I assume you will. I haven’t actually met you in the flesh, I’m just guessing.

Apparently, Breivik decided against shooting one bloke on the island of Utoya because he ‘looked right-wing’. The spared individual was Adrian Pracon, the son of a Polish immigrant. ‘This person appeared right-wing,’ Breivik explained, ‘that’s why I didn’t fire any shots at him. Certain people look more right wing than others.’ Mr Pracon’s blue eyes were apparently a crucial factor.

I think I look quite right wing these days; sort of morose and jowly with lank hair and a perpetually annoyed expression. That, I hope, will stand me in good stead and counteract my brownish eyes. On the other hand, I have often been told that I look Jewish, which I suspect would not commend itself to far-right serial killers.

Breivik insists he is as sane as you and I, by the way. I am not convinced that this is the case. Whatever the interminable — and usually politically correct — ruminations of the nut-job professionals, I would cleave to the dictum: by their actions you shall know them.