Mark Mason

Hell on wheels

We must fight back now, while some people in Britain still remember how to walk

How many of the people driving mobility scooters these days actually need a mobility scooter? The invention of the vehicle was a great move forward (literally) for those who genuinely needed it: the disabled and the infirm. But then another group of users appeared. Rather slowly, admittedly, and wheezing as they did so, before settling their vast backsides into the soothing embrace of the scooter’s seat. Once there they sighed happily, popped another Kit Kat into their gob and contemplated a life where movement from A to B required a mere flick of the wrist, rather than all that tedious leg business.

This supersized scooter squadron has conquered Britain with an ease that the Romans in their chariots could only have dreamed of. I passed a pub in Llanelli recently which offered a ‘Mobility Parking Valet Service’. The Speccie’s Marcus Berkmann relates a visit to Ramsgate where he witnessed so many people driving mobility scooters that ‘some of them must have been injured by people driving mobility scooters’. At least that would mean they were properly in need. I once saw a scooter being driven in Felixstowe with a set of golf clubs on the back.

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The Rascal 650

Anyone who has braved the pavements of their local town or city lately will know the terror that scooters can bring. Many drivers exhibit the same disregard for other people that they show for their own cholesterol levels. Shoppers scatter and toddlers are yanked away as the Porker Porsches come careering through.

If you want evidence of the way these people view their scooters, look at the names of the different models: there’s the Vegas, for instance, and the Rascal. There’s also the Supersport, known lovingly to its owners as the Harley. The industry even has its own annual show at the Birmingham NEC, rather like the Geneva Motor Show but presumably with fewer models in bikinis and more burger stands.

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