Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers’ diary: ‘Count your blessings, my darlings, count your blessings’

Back in December 2008, Joan Rivers contributed a diary to the Spectator’s Christmas issue. Joan died yesterday at the age of 81. Here’s her piece:

lot of you weaklings out there are probably very upset at how fast the dollar and the pound are falling, and about how every time you turn on the television all they talk about is the economy and how it is getting worse, and how everyone is now saying not only are we in recession but it’s going to get w-o-r-s-e. Well, instead of getting depressed, I have decided to take full advantage of the recession and make this holiday season the happiest one I have ever had. How? Below are some of the things that I have been doing to make the coming days joyful ones.

Because of the recession we no longer have to buy gifts for people we hate. It is now chic to join the Pass Along Club without any guilt. All those gifts that people give you that you open up and pretend to like, you no longer have to keep. With the simple miracle of re-ironed tissue paper any gift can look fresh. Just make sure to open all your gifts carefully so that when you rewrap them the corners and the sticky tape will fall back in the same place. The recipients will never ever know these horrors were opened and rejected. One word of caution with rewrapping — be careful to check all items of clothing carefully as things can be monogrammed in unusual places. You don’t want to say to someone, ‘I saw this robe and thought immediately of you’ and they get home and find the initials JRR discreetly embroidered on the sleeve. Also check all rewrapped gifts for notes.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in