Notting Hill Nobody | 13 October 2007

Monday

What can I say?! Happiness and General Wellbeing levels through roof! Dave is the greatest! We’re definitely going to win in 2009!! But more importantly, I have been seconded on to the Brown Attack Unit!

Am at centre of fevered preparations ahead of PMQs involving cut-throat political strategy. So far have come up with Great Clunking Cowardy Custard and Big Fat Miserable Loser. For some reason, neither of these seem to have made it on to Jed’s shortlist of insults to be hurled across dispatch box by Dave, but there’s time yet. Have never seen Gids so happy. He’s commissioned limited-edition flock wallpaper with the words ‘I Told You Gordon Was Crap!’ in fancy lettering. So glad it came right for him in the end. To think we all had to brief that rubbish about being frightened!

DD not convinced, of course. Lots of safari metaphors about not poking a wounded lion until you’re sure he’s dead. He can be such a party pooper.

Heaps of nice letters from candidates. All of them retracting their requests for Dave not to visit them during an election campaign. So moving.

Tuesday

Knew the elation couldn’t last. This morning awoke to truly terrible crisis staring at me from every newspaper. Where on earth am I going to get £950 to buy a Nancy Bag? Asked Daddy over breakfast, but he said he didn’t care if they were regulation issue for Tory-girls-about-town, he’s not spending his dwindling pension on a lot of Smythson overpriced nonsense.

Felt really down all day. Thought it was the bag situation, but then noticed everyone was like it. Jed says it’s Phantom Election Syndrome. All that excitement, the preparations, the trial launch — and then nothing.

Sherwood our lifestyle guru is giving us extra helpings of ginseng tea.