Rage against the tagine: Supermarket swipe

Wine is one of life’s great joys – so why, asks Jason Yapp, do major retailers do such a dismal job of flogging it?

I have several items to declare: bags of prejudice, a heap of self-interest, a smidgen of latent snobbery and chips on both shoulders. But even accounting for all of the above it can’t just be me who finds buying wine in a supermarket a joyless, soulless and utterly dispiriting experience. Wine is one of nature’s most precious gifts, and its acquisition should be a joy, not an ordeal.

Most of the major multiples employ a smattering of Masters of Wine (of whom there are only 288 in existence), so there is no shortage of in-house product knowledge, but sadly this is seldom evident at the point of sale. I think the principal problem here is the buying remit — ‘squeezing suppliers by the knackers until their eyes water’ is the principal thrust, whatever anyone else may tell you — which begins to take the fun out of the equation.

A further issue is that of the colossal volumes required to supply hundreds of outlets, which means that, with the exception of some token window-dressing, everything sold has to be made in industrial volumes to appeal to the lowest common denominator. A good friend of mine has just celebrated selling his 10,000,000th bottle of Pinot Grigio to one of our more rampant retailers — every little helps! Obviously it is popular, but only because it is liquid, contains alcohol and is, just about, potable.

The sad reality is that most of the wines on offer in supermarkets are bland and boring and made for lack of faults rather than optimum quality or, heaven forfend, interest. This is the world of arch-mediocrity, the vinous equivalent of airline food or a soap opera.