Sobering thoughts

The astonishing removal of Charles Kennedy for having been a heavy drinker confirmed my long-held belief that the Liberal Democrats are by far the nastiest and most ruthless bunch of all. It was frustrating to see gullible people regarding them as the nice party when I knew differently. Their dirty tricks in election campaigns are legendary and probably gave Alastair Campbell ideas in the first place. I heard a real stinker of a poisonous viper on Today during the campaign to oust Kennedy: former MP Jenny Tonge, who is now apparently ‘Baroness’ Tonge. All Liberal Democrats need to hear now is that Menzies Campbell and Simon Hughes are secret cross-dressers who like nothing better than cavorting in frilly pink frocks.

Anyway, Kennedy’s plight gave Radio Four a good idea: Under The Influence, a programme about the Westminster drinking culture, presented by columnist and former Tory MP Matthew Parris (Saturday, repeated Thursday). Apart from some irritating pop music it was a relaxed and enjoyable programme. It seems that MPs and ministers don’t drink as much as they used to since the working hours were changed to only two 10 o’clock votes a week. But no one appears to know how many licensed premises there are in the Palace of Westminster; Parris thought 20, Stephen Pound, MP, guessed at 14, while someone else thought 26. Lib Dem MP Sandra Gidley, one of the anti-Kennedy plotters, didn’t approve. ‘There’s an endless supply of alcohol should you want it,’ she said sternly.

Trencherman Nicholas Soames took the opposite view. ‘A glass of champagne braces the spirits and lifts the soul. My grandfather was right — you can’t make good speeches on water.’ Well, of course, Winston Churchill was a great drinker but no one ever saw him drunk.