In Competition No. 3193 you were invited to submit clerihews (two couplets, AABB, metrically clunky, humorous in tone) on members of the royal family, past or present.
This one was a crowd-pleaser and drew a whopping entry. An inevitable element of repetition didn’t detract from the overall excellence, so congratulations, all round.
I was sorry to hear that Noel Petty, a king among competitors, has died. His stellar contributions, spanning many decades, are summed up well by fellow competitor Frank McDonald in this winning entry from another clerihew competition:
Noel PettyHad the grace of a gazelle on the Serengeti.Again and again he dominated competitionsWith brilliant submissions
Pausing only to tip my hat to unlucky runners-up M.F. Shardlow, Tim Raikes, George Willett, Paddy Mullin, Nigel Stuart, Frank Upton and Janey Wilks, it’s over to this week’s winners, who take £8 each.
Edward the Second,When the Grim Reaper beckoned,Said ‘My life was decidedly merrierBefore they hot-rodded my derrière.’Sylvia Fairley
The Prince of WalesRarely failsTo walk past, say, a carnationWithout some agreeable conversation.D.A. Prince
Marie-Christine Agnes Hedwig Ida von Reibnitz Princess Michael of Kent Was discontent: She said, ‘I hate their royal games — They keep calling me names.’Bill Greenwell
Princess Margaret RoseHad umpteen beaus,And was probably kissed aLot more than her sister.Nicholas Hodgson
While Jeff and Ghislaineshare a classic La Reine,Prince Andrew has gotan American Hot.Nick MacKinnon
Countess Sophie, née Rhys-Jones, Rarely whinges, never moans — You don’t imagine her a moper On Oprah.David Silverman
Duchess Kate is William’s mate. While he loses hairs she provides heirs. Janine Beacham
Queen Elizabeth IIIs generally reckonedTo have seen her reputation ascend higherNotwithstanding she gained a commonwealth and lost an Empire.Adrian Fry
King Henry 8Is remembered as a greatLover of women’s faces and arms and legs and such.Heads, not so much.Max Gutmann
The slightest spark’llIgnite Meghan Markle —So I fearI’d better stop here.I.D.M. Morley
Richard the Third,As you may have heard,Comes in for a bit of libel and/or slanderIn Shakespeare’s Tudor propaganda.Chris O’Carroll
George the SecondReckonedThat no one could hold a candleTo Handel.Paul C. Evans
Henry the FifthReplied to the giftOf tennis balls in the spirit of that noble sport:Game-set-match on the Agincourt.Robert Schechter
Henry Tudor(No. 8) pursued her.Don’t ask who;It was true of a few.Rocco Rillrash
George the ThirdDid so much that was absurdThat I was sad to discoverHe wasn’t Porphyria’s Lover.Ann Drysdale
Meghan and Harry Have a burden to carry Being so sensitive and woke When you’re just an ordinary gal and bloke.Moray McGowan
Prince Andrew’sA man whoseClaim has put him in a very English stew:Not sweating, while not dancing, with a girl he never knew.Richard Spencer
Do you suppose That Princess Margaret RoseCame to believe that life would have been sweeterHad she wed Peter?Carolyn Beckingham
No. 3196: answering back
You are invited to supply a reply to the poet from Frances Cornford’s fat woman or Shakespeare’s dark lady. Please email entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 21 April.
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