Rod Liddle Rod Liddle

The flammability of dwarves

An Aussie rules footballer was apparently in trouble for having set fire to a dwarf who had been booked to entertain the team at an end of season party. Clinton Jones saw the diminutive Blake Johnston capering around and, being a half-wit, couldn’t resist applying a gas lighter to his backside. Whooooof, went the dwarf. Quite rightly Jones has been carpeted by bosses and forced to pay compensation. Too few people understand that dwarves are highly flammable – and some will actually explode if exposed to a naked flame. If you are being entertained by a dwarf it is a good idea to spray them with a fine mist of water, in order to keep them damp and therefore safe. Never, ever, allow a dwarf onto a garage forecourt – keep him locked in the car while you fill up the tank. Other than that, they are just like the rest of us – except smaller, and for that reason some people like to laugh at them, or set them on fire.

I suppose the message is that if you attempt to gain laughs by directing public mirth towards your disability, or whatever dwarfism is termed (the consequence of a disorder, I suppose), then half-wits will be encouraged to humiliate you still further.

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