When a press release for solar-powered sex toys popped into my inbox on 3 January, it dawned on me it could only mean one thing: we were already in the build-up to Valentine’s Day. A few days later, it was followed by the new aphrodisiac version of the Knorr stock cube, Knorrplay, and a set of champagne glasses adorned with red hearts.
A couple of years ago I found myself overnight in Newcastle, with a male colleague. We were working hard on a harrowing story and decided a nice meal out would cheer us up. Not a chance in hell: neither of us had realised that the dreaded Valentine’s Day was upon us. Every single restaurant, from low-rent kebab joints right up to Michelin-starred gaffs, was full to the rafters with courting couples.

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