Surely charity is about helping others, not massaging your own ego? Ed Sheeran’s boycott of Band Aid is yet another example of putting virtue-signalling above doing actual good. I thought of delicate petal Ed when I was asked to join some media friends to record a cover version of ‘All You Need Is Love’ to raise money for Great Ormond Street Hospital, which is building a children’s cancer centre. Our group – shamelessly called The Celebs – included Christopher Biggins, Frank Bruno, Anne Hegerty, the terrifying star of the quiz show The Chase, and a clutch of actors. It was my first time singing in public since I leapt to my feet, aged 12, to lead a singsong at the end of Ramsgate pier on a family summer holiday. The pianist passed a hat round which raised £3. The payment was designed to shut me up, as there was definitely no clamour for an encore. I hope our efforts this time raise much more.
On Tuesday I went to the West End’s Adelphi theatre where the Mamma Mia! star Mazz Murray performed the songs of Dusty Springfield. It was camper than Christmas and – for me – even more fun. Judy Craymer, who produced Mamma Mia!, once rashly agreed to me being an extra in the show. I was in the chorus for the wedding scene where the three fathers stand up in unison. Unfortunately, I stood up too. I blushed a deeper shade of pink than the suit they had dressed me in. Just like in Ramsgate, I wasn’t invited back.
I will miss John Prescott. Yes, he was a bruiser, but I always admired his canny ability to turn almost anything to his advantage. My first run-in with him came in 1996 after he claimed that, since he became an MP, he had stopped regarding himself as working class. I tracked down Prescott’s father, a former rail signaller and Dunkirk veteran, to see if he agreed with his son. He duly delivered. ‘Oh, bloody middle class is he now?’ thundered Prescott senior. ‘He’s a former merchant seaman and Cunard steward. He will always be working class.’ The rebuke made the front page. The next day I bumped into Prescott in the Commons. He exploded with rage, telling me I had invaded his privacy and exploited his ageing dad. But the anger soon passed. Prescott saw how he could make the most of the story to get his own message about social mobility across. Two days later he was on the radio with his father, debating whether your profession changes your social status. We got on famously after that. The last time I saw him was at a book launch a few years ago. He put me on his mobile. His wife Pauline was at the other end. We chatted for a minute or two. She ended the conversation by saying: ‘I’m your biggest fan, ToryBoy [my Twitter handle], but don’t tell John.’
As political wives go, Pauline was wonderful, but the world is about to be introduced to an even more formidable Westminster Wag. I’ve bought a subscription to the Discovery channel so I can watch the fly-on-the-wall documentary At Home with the Rees-Moggs. Sir Jacob is a good sport for allowing the cameras in, but the real star, I know, will be his wife Lady Helena Anne Beatrix Wentworth Fitzwilliam de Chair, daughter of the late poet Somerset de Chair and Lady Juliet Tadgell. I’ve met her several times. She’s formidable, funny, more than a match for her husband and has views that will endear her to every conservative in the land. Watch out Jeremy Clarkson, there will soon be another reality star who speaks for England.
To a studio in north London for another recording – not Abba classics or Beatles covers, but the audio version of my book Finding Margaret. It tells the story of the difficult search for my birth mother. I was in an orphanage until I was adopted at the age of nearly three. I am so grateful to my adoptive parents, but I was always curious to find out more about my birth mother. She did not fit the usual stereotype of a 1960s ‘gymslip’ single mum. She was 35 when she had me. The encounter I had with her was one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences of my life. I only got through it thanks to the kindness of my friend Amanda Platell. The whole experience gave me a renewed appreciation of how important friends and family are. All you need is their love.
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