Taki Taki

There will be blood

Taki lives the High Life

Sartre was a far greater fornicator than philosopher, but he did come up with the greatest truism of them all: ‘Hell is other people.’ (The last line in one of his plays.) Mind you, a Greek savant has bettered him by proclaiming Hell is other people speaking on their mobiles inside an aeroplane. Yes, it has come down to this, or, rather, it has gone up to it. Passengers have been cleared by telecoms watchdogs to use the most malignant device since television during flights. The Dubai-based Emirates was the first airline to allow the suckers who fly it to use mobile telephones last week, which I predict will definitely lead to mayhem sooner rather than later. Can you imagine a billionaire goatherd shouting orders to some flunkey while he picks his dirty toes, or some money-grubbing hedgie showing off at 40,000 feet? There will be blood.

People already act funny when in the air; imagine what will happen when some oik starts to blabber away non-stop about some football result. Let the government for once interfere on the side of the good guys. Now that they’ve done away with secondary smoke, what about the much more lethal secondary bore?

I’ve already had altercations on the train to Washington DC with some pretty nasty Wall Street types shouting over their mobiles. The conversation goes something like this. Me: ‘Excuse me, but you are disturbing me to the point that I can’t even read.’ No answer but more showing off, with ever larger amounts being name-dropped. Me, getting very angry and raising my voice: ‘Hey, a***hole, would you like a mobile sandwich?’ The jerk: ‘What do you want, why are you threatening me? Somebody call the police.’

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