True grit

Gstaad

Back in the good old days, the common belief was that the climate was determined by a large number of gods, with Poseidon in specific charge of the weather at sea. Poseidon could be a hell of a shit at times, torturing poor sailors for years, starting with the wily Ithakan king, Odysseus. Still, people built temples in Poseidon’s name in order to appease him, some of which still stand, as in Sounion, east of Athens. I have often worshipped in Sounion, as the temple is the last civilised thing one sees while sailing to sinful islands like Mykonos. My prayers have always been the same. Please, pretty please, Poseidon, help me find a beautiful blonde German girl with big tits in Mykonos, one that also gives it away like a Frisbee… you get my drift, Posei old boy… Surprisingly, Poseidon has at times answered my prayers, but less so recently despite the moolah I leave at his house in Sounion.

Be that as it may, when major religions began to believe in a single god, Poseidon’s stock went south quicker than you can say Enron. The majority of the people now ascribe to a theory of weather based on cloud formations, air pressure, wind velocity and other scientific mumbo-jumbo that my Greek brain cannot comprehend. The trouble, of course, is with the minority of people who think God gets around a lot and is responsible for, say, Katrina — not the one with the big tits in Mykonos, but the one that hit New Orleans. Now, I ask you, how in hell can anyone be so dumb as to believe that that white-bearded Almighty decided to punish those poor folk of New Orleans because they drink a lot, smoke too much dope, fornicate non-stop and have children out of wedlock?

As Niall Ferguson wrote in the Telegraph, ‘Natural disasters have no moral significance…and, please, let’s not call them Acts of God…’ If anyone should be punished by God it is not the poor who fornicate, take dope and drink, but those sons-of-bitches who pray for more Katrinas — the hurricane — so they can gouge the last remaining pennies from our pockets for their lousy oil.