Your Problems Solved | 6 December 2003

Dear Mary…

Q. I have always deplored the practice of having to shake hands with strangers. After a burly oaf at a smart luncheon party shook my hand with unseemly force, I was barely able to hold my knife. The pain and fear that he had crushed the bones made me acutely aware of the barbarousness of the practice of handshaking in general. (I recall that the late Duke of Windsor had his arm in a sling for three months after visiting India.) Since this unfortunate episode I have, understandably, been shy of hearty handshakers. My position is complicated by the fact that I live in South Africa where any gesture that looks remotely unfriendly is immediately interpreted as racist, and the African people make a particular point of shaking hands with the triple handshake. Each student in a class I give insists on doing so at every session. I have tried every dodge, like having both hands full as I enter the lecture-room. Gloves are not a solution, and a bandage would be impractical. Can you think of any way in which I can avoid pain and distaste for this dreadful practice without causing offence?
Name and address withheld

A. Possibly by becoming a Buddhist, in which case you would take up the practice of putting your hands together in front of you, as they do in Thailand (and as in Christian prayer) when greeting people. Thus your hands would not be available for shaking unless rudely prised apart ‘ which any respectful person would be unlikely to try. In this way, you may actually rise in the estimation of anti-rascists for overtly adopting the customs of another culture. You would also be following the example of Mahatma Gandhi (a Hindu) who used this greeting when working in South Africa as a young lawyer and encountered no problems.