Society

Thursday

Toby Young Toby Young

Welcome to the new global theocracy

I had a revelation while watching the Olympics opening ceremony. It was during the infamous section that I (and almost everyone else) understood to be a reference to Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper’. A large woman in a halo-like headdress was flanked by various avant-garde performance artists, including three drag queens. These, presumably, were the disciples. The table then turned into a catwalk and we were treated to a fashion show featuring representatives of the LGBT community, culminating in a naked man covered in sparkly blue paint. Sacré bleu! ‘This is France,’ tweeted Emmanuel Macron afterwards, apparently satisfied that this performance, like the rest of the opening ceremony, had

Lavatch

2665: Killer instinct

34/28/19 (five words) is a quotation verifiable in the ODQ from 23 (two words) which suggests how to complete the perimeter (six words). Across 10    Dissolute old peer’s lament (7) 12    Satisfied noise, leading around kings (4) 13    Queen hugs almost dehydrated girl (8) 14    Veep cycling in stubble field (6) 15    Chilled time with one drug in some bars (3,3) 16    What I do, given time, in animal’s home (4) 20    Politician seized by firm idiot’s grasp (7) 21    Smoke from vehicle carrying soldier back (5) 25    Parting word in depression (4) 26    Old dog, extremely lovely setter (4) 31    Some success, excitingly, for cricket side (5) 32    Monk

The Spectator

2662: OOVIIXVII – Solution

Seven unclued lights, MOORE, CONNERY, LAZENBY, NIVEN, DALTON, BROSNAN, CRAIG, are the names of actors who played the eighth one, BOND, in films. The title, translated from Latin, reads ‘007 x 7’. First prize Louise Rhind-Tutt, Glossop, Derbyshire Runners-up A. Tucker, Winchester, Hants; Roger Baresel, London SW7

Rory Sutherland Rory Sutherland

Nothing beats a 1980s brick phone

In the late 1980s, a story entered advertising folklore. A group from an ad agency had boarded an evening train from Newcastle to travel home from a client meeting. On boarding, they learned that the buffet was out of action, and they were hungry. Happily, one of them was carrying in his briefcase a wondrous new brick-sized device called a mobile phone. After a series of rebuffed calls, he managed to find a lone Indian restaurant in Peterborough willing to deliver to their train when it stopped en route to London; there our hero duly handed a wedge of cash through the carriage window before taking delivery of the food.

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: Help! My friend’s home is filthy

Q. What should I do if my housekeeper refuses to clean my nanny’s bedroom and bathroom? I am worried they will turn into a tip. – M.C., London A. Today’s competent London nannies are so highly paid that yours may have developed delusions of grandeur. Your housekeeper is quite right to refuse. Why not tell your nanny that you want to get the children into the habit of associating cleaning with fun at an early age? Suggest she supervise them tackling her bedroom and bathroom each day and you will come up to inspect and award stars for good work. Q. My family and I were dismayed when we heard

Bruce Anderson

When in doubt, have a drink

Most Tory MPs enjoy leadership elections. There may be an element of what the trick-cyclists call ‘displacement activity’. Equally, it is tempting to employ the cliché about rearranging the furniture on the Titanic. The Brane-Cantenac 2000 was everything that a claret lover could wish for Until 1990, the process was brief. It took only four days to elect John Major, whose team used an underground ‘bunker’ in Alan Duncan’s house as their HQ. By 1997, when the party had been grievously wounded and the election procedure extended, there were lots of gatherings which required more spacious premises – including Jonathan Aitken’s garden. Now, even more stricken, the Tories will need

Michael Simmons Michael Simmons

Venn diagrams are the perfect tool for a politician

‘I just love Venn diagrams,’ Kamala Harris said in 2022. ‘It’s just something about those three circles, the analysis about where there is the intersection, right?’ Venn diagrams have graduated from school textbooks to a genre of internet meme. After Joe Biden announced he wouldn’t seek a second presidential term, Harris’s team tweeted a picture of some circles, labelled ‘Biden HQ’ and ‘Harris HQ’, overlapping to ‘hold Trump accountable’. Harris’s love of Venn diagrams might seem odd until you realise that they’re the perfect tool for a politician: they make complex issues look simple. They are often found in educational materials for young children, elucidating similarities and differences between things

Philip Hensher

The dark side of your local dog show

Over at the judging for Waggiest Tail, things were getting acrimonious. ‘That bloody woman,’ my new acquaintance muttered. We were sitting behind the rope barrier in the front row and had formed a bond over a serious injustice in Prettiest Bitch. ‘I’m pretty sure she threw this category three, four years back. I happen to know – for a fact – that she made her husband stay overnight in a Travelodge. Dog’s got awful separation anxiety. Husband comes to the park, sitting round the corner. Once the Waggiest Tail starts up, she texts him, and he appears in the dog’s eyeline. Dog starts wagging fit to bust. First prize. Disgrace.’

Dot Wordsworth

The summer of Brat

The singer Charli XCX (or ‘Ninety Ten’ as my husband insists on pronouncing it) has endorsed Kamala Harris, in a way. ‘Kamala is brat,’ she tweeted. Since the slippery meaning of brat includes elements of dirtiness, drunkenness and hedonism, it might not define all that Americans want in a president. Not that Charli is American. She was born in Cambridge (England, not Massachusetts), given the names Charlotte Emma and went to a private school in Bishop’s Stortford. Her album brat came out in June, with a lime-green cover and the name in fuzzy type. She has characterised brat as ‘trashy… a pack of cigs, a Bic lighter and a strappy

Melissa Kite

The secret language of horses

‘Horses – beautiful, noble, intelligent creatures,’ said the neighbour I was having tea with. ‘There speaks someone who has never had to deal with them,’ I said, for I had been run ragged by our four horses since the builder boyfriend had left me at the house in West Cork and had gone to London to do a job. ‘Oh, but they’re so wonderful. I just love to be near them,’ said the lady, who has a left-leaning world view and takes on a faraway look in her eyes whenever animals are mentioned. Horses are intelligent, emotionally. They have a sixth sense we have lost We were sitting on the

Aidan Hartley

The joy of getting lost in the Congo

Republic of Congo I’m sending this to you from the rainforest in Congo, surrounded by vast trees and jungle noises in one of the loveliest, remotest places I’ve ever seen. Yesterday, flying at 150 feet above the canopy, I glimpsed in a clearing a family of relaxed gorillas gazing up at me, a visitor from another world. When I set out as a young reporter in Africa 36 years ago, I drafted my stories on a typewriter. I had to travel to a city to book a reverse-charge call that took hours to come through, then dictate my words to the paper’s copy desk, or type it out on a

Rod Liddle Rod Liddle

Save our grey belt!

While working as a callow speechwriter for the Labour party in the mid-1980s, I suggested to a member of the then shadow cabinet that perhaps we should do something in support of the teachers, who were clamouring for more money. ‘Sod them, they’re all Tories,’ came the response. Well, how times change – and also how little. This supposedly marginal land is in danger of disappearing, and with it the wildlife that abounds These days there are just nine teachers in the country who vote Conservative and they keep their heads down in case a colleague dobs them in for the hate crime of existing. However, the principle of helping

Adrian Usher

Let prisoners phone home

‘A society is measured by the treatment of its prisoners,’ Winston Churchill said. Last year, in England and Wales, every three and a half days a prisoner killed themselves. What does this say about our society? Perhaps you think: why should we care – aren’t there better things to worry about than criminals committing suicide? But the suicide rate in prisons is actually, surprisingly, a measure of the safety of society at large, because those who kill themselves in their cells represent the tip of an iceberg of despair within the prison population. It’s an indication of just how desperate life inside is – and when prisoners are feeling desperate,

Susanna Gross

Bridge | 03 August 2024

Bridge is a love affair which never dims. Even after all these years, it still excites and energises me – and I’m almost embarrassed to admit how often I dream about it. Last week, for instance, I was watching the North American Bridge Championships from my laptop at home, when I saw a deal that fascinated me. I kept mulling it over and, that night, I dreamt I was desperate to find someone to tell. I was rushing from one person to another, but no one – not friends, nor family – showed the slightest interest. So what a relief to be able to share it here, with fellow fanatics

The Spectator

Which countries have doped the most at the Olympics?

Hole lot of history What was the original black hole? Although the term has been in use since the 1960s for a collapsed star from which no light can escape, its origins lie two centuries earlier with the Black Hole of Calcutta. In 1756 the East India Company was seeking to reinforce its fortifications at Fort William in the city. When the Nawab of Bengal, Siraj ud-Daulah, heard about it he raised an army of 50,000 men and, with the aid of 500 elephants, marched on Fort William. While most of the British fled to ships in the harbour, 146 were rounded up and imprisoned in a hole measuring 14ft

Peter Mandelson

Things can always get worse for the Tories

Before migrating to Wiltshire where I will be for August, I had a friendly dinner with a clutch of Conservative aficionados. Inevitably the conversation turned to the leadership contest and, having disposed of the poison pill, Suella Braverman, they asked me which candidate, as a Labour person, I would fear most. This was quite a challenging question. James Cleverly is clearly a nice chap but his fondness for blokeish chat may prove career-shortening. Robert Jenrick’s views seem to depend on who he is talking to. Ditto the vanilla Tom Tugendhat. Mel Stride is inoffensive and otherwise undefinable. I doubt Priti Patel’s appeal will reach beyond a segment of her party.

The Spectator

Portrait of the week: Stabbings in Southport, a £22bn ‘black hole’ and Tory leadership nominations

Home Rachel Reeves, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, said she had found a £21.9 billion hole, and a black one at that, ‘covered up’ by the Tories in the finances Labour inherited. ‘The biggest single cause of the £22 billion fiscal hole was Reeves’s decision to give inflation-busting pay rises to public sector workers,’ the Financial Times reported. Junior doctors were offered an average rise of 22 per cent over two years. The Chancellor told the Commons that the government was cancelling: the universal winter fuel payment; the cap on the amount people must spend on funding their social care; A-level reforms; and a tunnel near Stonehenge. Jeremy Hunt, the

Wednesday

Brendan O’Neill Brendan O’Neill

Condemning the Southport riot is not enough

Will Southport’s suffering never end? First, the Merseyside town was rocked by the barbarism of a frenzied knife attack that left three girls dead and others critically injured. Then it was beset by unrest. Just hours after yesterday’s vigil for the slain girls, thugs clashed with cops. They set a police van on fire and threw bricks at a mosque. It was a grim orgy of destruction that insulted the quiet dignity the good people of Southport have shown since evil visited their town on Monday. Double standards have crept into the discussion of Southport’s disorder Everyone of good conscience will condemn yesterday’s riotous events. Thirty-nine officers were injured, eight

Gareth Roberts Gareth Roberts

Just Stop Oil and the secret power of the middle class

Just Stop Oil isn’t what it was. When a handful of protestors from the environmental group tried to block a departure gate at Gatwick Airport this week, they failed miserably. It wasn’t much of a protest: they just plonked themselves down and adopted the traditional JSO expression: a stance of neutrality aimed at looking noble and martyrish but, in reality, comes over as suggesting they are mildly constipated. Embarrassed air travellers merely stepped over them, although one traveller did speak for the nation by suggesting that they reconvene elsewhere, using a two-word expression, one of them composed of four letters. The power of the middle class to charm officers of