Society

Thursday

Melissa Kite

Don’t bother calling the doctor 

‘If you are calling about sinusitis, sore throat, earache in children, infected inset bite from the UK not overseas, impetigo, shingles, or female-only uncomplicated water infections, speak to your local pharmacist.’ That is how my parents’ GP surgery now answers the phone. A recorded message telling you to go away for almost every illness you might have is read out by a very stern male voice, unnecessarily loudly. He first tells you to dial 999 for life-threatening emergencies, or 111 for anything less serious, leaving you to decide which is which. Then he tells you there are no appointments even if you wait for an answer because so many of

Gus Carter Gus Carter

Are you a Gail’s or a Wimpy voter?

Liberal Democrat activists were reportedly told to ‘get out the Gail’s vote’, targeting people who visit the over-priced artisanal cafés. There are 131 Gail’s in the UK and around half are in Lib Dem marginals. If you’ve never come across one, think spinach, feta and filo pastry for £6, sold by a stressed Spanish girl in Twickenham. As I squirted more special sauce on to my plate, I witnessed the true meaning of Wimpy (est. 1954) I mentioned the Lib Dems’ Gail’s strategy to a Reform adviser. He laughed. ‘Oh, we tended to go after places with a Wimpy Bar at the election.’ I can confirm that Nigel Farage’s seat

Susanna Gross

Bridge | 20 July 2024

When is a duck not a duck? Answer: when it’s a hold-up. I do love bridge terminology. Though the two manoeuvres are mechanically identical (you deliberately refrain from winning a trick by playing low), strictly speaking a duck is in your own suit, while a hold-up is in a suit played by your opponents. Either way, a duck/hold-up is one of the most formidable weapons in bridge. It can be used to sever communication between opponents, cut declarer off from dummy, establish a long suit and much more. The trouble is, because it’s so often the right thing to do, players sometimes duck without proper thought. And that can be

Rory Sutherland Rory Sutherland

The myth of collective wisdom

After 250 years of American independence, a nation home to many of the smartest and most talented people in the world may have to choose as its leader one of two people, each of whom is in many ways worse than His late Majesty George III, the man whose role the entire system was designed to replace. It is dangerous to assume that the more people who are involved in a decision, the better the outcome will be The absurdity emerges from the nature of the system – which, like many such systems, works very well right up to the point where it suddenly doesn’t. Faced with an unexpected combination

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: Help! My teeth are too white

Q. I ride a bike from Chiswick to the City each morning. It is a ten-mile journey that takes 45 minutes and it is good for my weight and mental health. I lock my bike to a lamppost outside my semi-detached house as there is no room for it inside. Now an official-looking sign has appeared on the lamppost saying ‘It is illegal to attach bicycles to this lamppost’, but I have checked and it is not from the council. I think it must have been made by Photoshop and put up by my neighbour on the other side of my semi-detached house. She is the only other person who

Bruce Anderson

How to drown your sorrows

Age. At the Spectator party last week, the editor asked me how long I had been attending the festivity. I could not remember whether it had been since the late 1970s or not until the early 1980s. But change is not always for the worse. During the 1980s, dearly beloved Bron Waugh was in charge of the wine. Talk about plonk. I do not know whether cats or horses were responsible, but there should have been no question of calling in a vet. The beasts ought to have been sent straight to a laboratory, to hunt down the toxicity. The Blairites had no shame about drinking champagne in public These

Luke McShane

World Seniors

If you visit the English Chess Federation’s website hoping to become a member, you will be confronted with a comprehension test. You will scroll past walls of text before appraising your membership options. Would you like to be a Supporter, Bronze, Gold, or Platinum member? Perhaps you are eligible for Junior Bronze, Free Junior Bronze, Junior Gold, Free Junior Gold, or Free Student Gold? Like the intricacies of the tax system, there must be reasons for this befuddlement of detail. The free tiers, for example, are intended as an inducement for members in their first year. But the initial impression is baffling: a simple table would go a long way

Dot Wordsworth

Is Donald Trump a ‘badass’?

Logan Paul, a wrestler with 23 million YouTube subscribers, called Donald Trump’s immediate reaction to his shooting ‘the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in my life’. It helped that it was photographed with Old Glory flying against a blue sky and Trump, fist in the air, mouthing ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ with blood trickling down his cheek. Earlier the wrestler had also called it approvingly ‘the most gangster image of all time’. There is an overlap between gangster and badass. In his novel Londonstani (2006), Gautam Malkani has a character say: ‘Don’t get me wrong, we in’t wannabe badass gangstas or someshit.’ That was six years after Kid Rock peaked

Luke McShane

No. 810

White has just played Kf3-e3. Which response showed this to be a decisive mistake? Email answers to chess@spectator.co.uk by Monday 22 July. There is a prize of £20 for the first correct answer out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Bd3! e.g. 1…Ne7 2 Qh8# or 1…c5 2 Qh1# or 1…Nb5 2 Rb1#. Last week’s winner Rupert Cousens, Oxford

Victoria Lane

Spectator Competition: Swifties 

In Competition 3358 you were invited to submit a passage in which Gulliver travels to a Taylor Swift concert and recounts his impressions. By and large it was felt that he would succumb to fandom, though a few were more sceptical – George Simmers found him observing: ‘Of all the Laputan scientists none received more acclaim than the philosopher who had devised a scheme for the infinite accumulation of money. I asked how this was achieved and was told, cryptically, “Merch.”’ There were a lot of very lively entries, and those printed below win £25. Despair had almost overcome me after three days at sea, but on the fourth morning

Cheesecracker

2663: CTRL+SHIFT+S

The ten unclued lights comprise five pairs, as implied by the title. Elsewhere, ignore one apostrophe.         Across    1    Leaves evening party, returning by church (8) 12    Rag Conservative, reluctant after defeat (10) 13    Sad rake unpleasant with no love in sight (6) 15    Nice No. 1’s changed, according to singers? (8) 18    Where the result of perks may be enjoyed (6,3) 19    Calais etc unexpectedly austere (9) 25    Maori dance twice caught cycling shorts (6) 27    Footballers clutching tight back ligaments (6) 29    Ditch possible outcome of amusing quip (2-2) 30    Yvette, now and then one chilly sort? (4) 32    Resorts across Channel sent back nationals (9) 34    Elbow

The Spectator

2600: Walsall winters – solution

Emily Brontë’s poem ‘Remembrance’ includes: ‘Cold in the earth – and fifteen wild Decembers, From those brown hills, have melted into spring.’ Brownhills is a town in the borough of Walsall, hence the title. First prize Anne Greenwood and Martin Plews, Horsham, W. Sussex Runners-up Ian Laming, Chippenham; Neville Twickel, Shipston-on-Stour, Warwickshire

Rod Liddle Rod Liddle

Arise, Sir Gareth!

I detected a degree of surprise among those people who were uncommonly cheered by Sir Keir Starmer’s election victory that England failed to beat Spain in the final of the European Championship. That wasn’t in the script. For those Labour supporters in the press and floating in the shallow trough of luvviedom, an England victory would have been the first thing to gild this brave new era of kindness, generosity of spirit and diversity. I would not begrudge Southgate a knighthood, given the state of the national game when he took over These were the sorts of qualities associated with the England manager Gareth Southgate, who needed no more encouragement to

Peter Jones

How Augustus would have solved the prisons crisis

The Labour party is preparing to get weak on crime and release one batch of criminals to bang up another. What a difference that will make to the safety of our streets! The Roman emperor Augustus did things differently: when the system got blocked up, he released all those whom he considered to be held on vexatious charges. What blocked the system, however, was not imprisonment but the number of people detained while awaiting trial on charges relating to the civil war which brought Augustus to power. Those involved were the elites (for whom detainment was shameful) being ‘held on charges for the pleasure of their enemies’. It was all

(Getty)
Anne Applebaum

The curious life of a foreign minister’s wife

The Polish constitution delineates no role for the foreign minister’s wife. In fact, the foreign minister’s wife is not mentioned in Polish state documents of any kind. Nevertheless, there are times when, as the Polish foreign minister’s wife, I find that I have no choice but to bear witness to great historical events. On the Friday following the British election, the Polish foreign minister – better known as an occasional Spectator diarist – was informed that the new British Foreign Secretary planned to visit Poland on his first trip abroad. Because we had planned to spend that weekend at our country house, north-west of Warsaw, and because there is a

Charles Moore Charles Moore

In praise of Pat McFadden

There is a small section of the Labour party which I greatly admire – those on the party’s right, often from working-class backgrounds, who unrelentingly fight the party’s left without being crypto-Tories. They are more effective than the Conservative right, being more disciplined and less voluble. For decades, they have taken on the Bennite/Corbynite/Islamist/woke tendency and its paler offshoots, such as Ed Miliband. They want genuine economic and social gains for working people rather than ‘saving the planet’ or ‘decolonising’. One such is Pat McFadden, now billed as the third most powerful person in the new government. The fact that he is its main spokesman on the Today programme is

The Spectator

Portrait of the week: King’s Speech, Trump shot and Rouen cathedral in flames

Home The government funnelled three dozen bills into the King’s Speech, highlighting one to make a specific offence of spiking a drink, which is already illegal. But backbenchers and Labour in Scotland failed in efforts to remove the cap of two children for the payment of child benefit. A new state-owned energy company would be set up and railways nationalised. Landlords’ rights to evict tenants would be reduced. Police were to be given more powers against gangs smuggling migrants in small boats. Between 10 and 15 July, 701 migrants crossed the Channel in small boats. With births at 598,393 and deaths at 597,992, the annual natural change in population of

The Spectator

How would we handle an avian flu pandemic?

Concerns have been raised in recent months after an outbreak of avian flu caused by the virus H5N1 was detected in cattle in the US. To date, 139 affected herds have been identified, and four dairy workers have contracted the virus. The UK Health Security Agency, which previously believed there to be minimal risk of the virus evolving into a form which could spread among humans, now believes there is up to a one-in-three chance of it doing so. A factory in Liverpool has been busy manufacturing stockpiles of a ‘pre-pandemic’ vaccine which will be given to farm workers and others in occupations that bring them into close contact with

Wednesday

Kate Andrews Kate Andrews

The Tories must share the blame for Labour’s illiberal smoking ban

When Rishi Sunak called a summer election, the Tobacco and Vapes Bill didn’t make the pile of ‘wash up’ legislation to be rushed through Parliament. His plans for a generational smoking ban, and a crackdown on vapes, were paused. But this was never going to be more than a brief delay. Labour has used the King’s Speech today to confirm that it will see Sunak’s smoking ban through. Or rather, the party might argue that it’s reclaiming the idea. It was Labour, after all, that floated the policy before the Tories adopted it at their party conference last year.  One day, a 63-year-old will be able to purchase a tobacco