Society

Thursday

Patrick Kidd

Is Britain ready for a patriotic theme park?

It is the early 9th century. Peace reigns in a small French village as they prepare for a wedding. Garlands are being hung, sheep are being shepherded, all is sunshine and smiles. Then, in a snap, this bucolic bliss bursts as Viking warriors invade the scene and unleash hell. The original Puy du Fou is unashamedly pro-God, pro-monarchy and Vive la France A longboat splashes down a chute into the river, another spectacularly emerges from beneath the lake; swords clash, fires erupt, women are carried off and treasures seized. The villagers need a miracle, and it comes with the sudden appearance of a bishop, the blessed St Philibert. Just as

Lionel Shriver Lionel Shriver

How to find your perfect man

My late parents perpetually promoted their marriage as the best in the history of the universe. Because this cult of two was hardly subtle, others readily detected what they wanted to hear, so fawning social admiration of what lovebirds they were made them even worse. For us kids, this Trumpesque superlative (how they’d hate that adjective) wasn’t remotely as traumatising as divorce, but still – the romantic hagiography was a bit much. In our adulthoods, our own sad little relationships could never compare, and our parents seemed to feel sorry for us. While big proponents of marriage as an institution, they seemed to regard their children’s marriages as pale imitations

Peter Jones

Trick or treat

A Today programme presenter used the term imperium (cf. ‘emperor’) with reference to Donald Trump’s desire to annex Greenland. To a Roman, it meant the authority to give orders that must be obeyed, no matter what. Anyone invested with that power by the Roman state was accompanied by lictors, attendants carrying the fasces, an axe bound inside a collection of wooden rods, suggesting what might happen to someone who refused the order. That was certainly one way to get people to obey you. But what about in normal life? This topic forms the subject of the opening scene in Sophocles’s tragedy Philoctetes. Agonised after being bitten in the foot by

Rachel Johnson

The Lady vanishes

The moment I stepped out of the Covent Garden sunshine and into the regal offices of the Lady magazine, it was like stepping into a 19th-century Tardis, and I was already in love. ‘I’m going for the editorship hell for leather,’ I wrote in my diary (published in 2010). ‘I’ve even been out and bought and read a copy of the magazine for the very first time!’ It was the funeral parlour ambience. The genteel tones of the telephonist, Ros, taking calls from deaf dowager duchesses placing adverts for a couple to prepare light luncheons and do some gentle housework in return for accommodation in the gatehouse. It was the

Toby Young Toby Young

Is it time to clean up my act?

I was having a drink in the Bishops’ Bar in the House of Lords last month when I was introduced to a 92-year-old peer called Lord McColl of Dulwich. I asked him if he’d known my father, Michael, who was made a life peer in 1978. Had they overlapped? He told me he hadn’t merely known him; he’d operated on him. If I have mild indigestion I think I’ve got stomach cancer; if I get a headache I decide it’s a brain tumour I realised with a start that the man I was talking to was the famous surgeon Ian McColl, who was made a life peer in the Queen’s

Melissa Kite

Am I making a mountain out of my mole?

Hypochondriacs are never happy because we know that eventually all of us are vindicated. As Spike Milligan said on his gravestone: ‘I told you I was ill.’ In fact, he had it engraved in Irish: ‘Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite.’ Another one was Alan Clark, who for years listed symptoms – including the merest twinge – in his diaries, along with sentiments to the effect that he knew something would turn out to be serious one day and eventually, at a fairly respectable age to get to, it did. These people are my heroes. They know of what they speak. ‘It’s a two-tone mole!’ I screamed, as I

Rory Sutherland Rory Sutherland

Why the restaurant world hates beer drinkers

I’ve always thought working in hospitality is like getting a free MBA – but one rooted in the real world rather than theory. So it didn’t surprise me to discover a brilliant business idea in a book about the restaurant trade. In Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect, star restaurateur Will Guidara describes his quest to take Manhattan’s Eleven Madison Park from number 50 in the San Pellegrino restaurant rankings in 2010 to the number one spot in 2017. To check out the competition, Guidara takes a group of employees to the top restaurant on the list. Unsurprisingly, the experience is superb, and his

Aidan Hartley

The farms that I’ve loved and lost

Laikipia, Kenya I am grateful to David, a reader of this column, who kindly sent me a packet of old Kenya maps his father used when the family lived in Nairobi in the 1960s. David’s envelope took about six months to reach my postbox, which is good going, since I’ve received other letters posted several years before. I adore maps and own lots, rolled up in tubes, hanging on walls, with piles of them folded in drawers, dog-eared, rain-stained and scribbled on. I immediately took two of David’s maps to the framers since they cover the place I like best in the world: Laikipia. Loss of land – my way

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: What is the etiquette of unfollowing someone on Instagram?

Q. When hosting a dinner party, should one circulate the biographies/Wikipedia entries of your guests beforehand so that everyone arrives forearmed, as it were, and can therefore skip the small talk and the fishing around for information about one’s interlocutor? I am inviting eight to dinner, six of whom will have never met before, although I have chosen them carefully because they have good professional and social reasons to be interested in one another. – R.R., London W6 A. Michael Portillo said the other day that, when he was on the Moral Maze panel on Radio 4, he needed to know what the topics were in advance in order to work

Bruce Anderson

The paradox of West Virginia

West Virginia. There is a paradox. A state of natural beauty, glorified by mountains and watered by rivers – including the Shenandoah (surely the most beautiful word in American) – carved out of reluctant nature by hard human labour, then divided by slavery and war, but ending on the Union side – it ought to be an honoured political jurisdiction. But the West Virginians broke away from the rest of Virginia. In its early days, it was governed by cultivated gentlemen, who filled their cellars with fine wine and their libraries with fine books. Yet the way of life which managed this transplant of European civilisation was sustained by slave

Dot Wordsworth

What is ‘misogynoir’?

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have been troubled by two verbal peculiarities in a week. The Duchess corrected a friend who called her ‘Meghan Markle’ on television. ‘It’s so funny, too, that you keep saying Meghan Markle. You know I’m Sussex now,’ she said. ‘This is our family name, our little family name.’ Well, yes and no. Her children were registered as Mountbatten-Windsor at birth. That was a name invented by a declaration in the Privy Council in 1960. But Archie and Lilibet are prince and princess now and need not have a surname. The trouble is that other descendants of the late Queen made up surnames for their

Susanna Gross

Bridge | 5 April 2025

I was taken aback by the letter that accompanied my daughter’s school report last week. ‘Traditionally, reports have been written by teachers,’ it stated. But to save teachers time, ‘the school has moved to an AI-supported system where the teachers enter bullet points and the AI crafts suitable prose… We hope that you won’t notice the difference’. Call me a Luddite, but I don’t want AI-generated prose. Imagine if I approached my bridge columns this way. I was going to write about Michael Gove’s love of bridge, but by way of an experiment, here’s ChatGPT: ‘Michael Gove has a reputation for juggling high-profile roles, but it’s at the bridge table

Olivia Potts Olivia Potts

Golden syrup dumplings: the perfect comfort food

The Italians have a phrase: ‘brutti ma buoni’. It means ‘ugly but beautiful’, and it’s the name they give to their nubbly hazelnut meringue biscuits, which – as the name suggests – taste lovely but aren’t lookers. The phrase came to me the other day when I lifted the lid on my pan of golden syrup dumplings. Because they’re ugly little buggers. They look a little like soggy apple fritters, or even chicken nuggets – am I selling them to you yet? But focus on the buoni, not the brutti: they are absolutely delicious. Golden syrup dumplings sound as British as queueing. And when you learn they’re essentially scone dough,

Luke McShane

European Individuals

Almost 400 players, including more than 100 grandmasters, travelled to the European Individual Championships last month in Eforie Nord, a small Romanian town on the coast of the Black Sea. Dozens of players have a realistic shot at winning this fiercely competitive event, which in recent years was won by players seeded 33rd, 11th, 20th and 33rd. So it was remarkable that the German grandmaster Matthias Blübaum managed to win it for the second time in his career (after 2022, in Slovenia). He shared first place with two other players on 8.5/11, and won the title on tiebreak. Third placed Maxim Rodshtein from Israel won a thrilling game against the

Luke McShane

No. 844

White to play. Eren-Bosiocic, European Individual Championship, 2025. Here, White conjured a mating attack from his tangle of pieces on the kingside. Which move did he play? Email answers to chess@spectator.co.uk by Monday 7 April. There is a prize of £20 for the first correct answer out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Bd4! Then 1…Kd6 2 Qd8# or 1…Nd6 2 Bb6#. Other moves are met by 2 Be5# Last week’s winner Paul Carter, Lancaster

Flora Watkins

Beware the £5 coffee

It wasn’t until I received a notification from the Monzo app that I realised I’d spent nearly £10 on two coffees. This wasn’t in the Wolseley or even within the M25, but in Two Magpies, a café in Holt, our local market town in Norfolk – for two regular lattes (admittedly with an extra shot, since it was Monday morning) for myself and a friend. Just last year, I was taken aback when my caffeine fix crossed the £4 threshold, with the barista casually mentioning that coffee prices were rising. But £4.70 feels like it’s firmly in the ‘taking the mickey’ territory. I haven’t been back since (I’m currently writing

Victoria Lane

Spectator Competition: Wrong time

Competition 3393 went in search of – and found – basic laughs by inviting you to submit a passage of historical fiction sprinkled with anachronistic detail. I was thinking along the lines of the grey squirrel in Sharon Kay Penman’s The Sunne in Splendour (set during the War of the Roses), but it was generally assumed that subtlety would get lost and the absurder the better: the anachronisms were more larded in than dusted on. I especially liked Janine Beacham’s vision of Henry VIII enjoying a strawberry gelato while he ‘considered a dalliance with that most charming teenaged babe, Catherine Howard’. Profound thanks to all who entered, and here are

Doc

2697: Futile felines

Nine unclued lights (with one doing double duty) can be arranged into a possible quiz show announcement with the word lengths: 2,4,3,7,6,3,7,7,2,4,2,4,4,2,4,5. The three remaining unclued lights are possible answers. Elsewhere, ignore one accent. Across 4 Democracies do wrong without desserts (3,6) 9 English artist having month involved with 38 (6,4) 11    Evaluate report for show (5) 12    Colonist who pays the bill? (7) 14    German novelist from the Wiesbaden area (5) 15    Celaeno’s sister returning among school-leavers (5) 16    Foil, we hear, rose high (6) 21    Players participate in this match and event (4,4) 22    French artist’s entry (7) 23    Dutch artist escaped from Marshalsea (4) 25    Model from

The Spectator

2694: Arc lights – solution

The unclued lights (with the pair at 41/2) include the colours of the RAINBOW, as confirmed by 24 Across. First prize Roslyn Shapland, Ilkeston, Derbyshire Runners-up C.G. Millin, Ramleaze, Wilts; Susan Hay, Wolverhampton