I’ve been good this year if you don’t count a little rioting and looting
‘I’ve been good this year if you don’t count a little rioting and looting.’

‘I’ve been good this year if you don’t count a little rioting and looting.’
‘You’re terribly white.’
‘May I remind the audience to turn mobile phones on.’
‘I’m not convinced this is going to work.’
‘Wake up! You need to download the app!’
‘Check out the podcast.’
‘It’s like we’re poles apart.’
‘I thought a robin would be the perfect Christmas present, but they didn’t seem to like it.’
‘It’s an invitation to spend Christmas with the relatives.’
‘I think we’re being watched.’
‘We’ve become the story.’
Middle-aged men might be feeling persecuted at the moment. But we bring so much of the opprobrium upon ourselves. The MasterChef host Gregg Wallace has, it should be remembered, not been charged with any crime. But the allegations of his inappropriate, predatory and downright cringe-worthy behaviour towards women have inspired the kind of reaction among my male colleagues and friends that I haven’t heard the likes of since the arrival of David Brent and The Office some 20-plus years ago. Nobody finds your Tommy Cooper impression funny because the only other person old enough to remember Tommy Cooper is outside hectoring a stranger about the smoking ban ‘You don’t understand,
Seeing the snaps of David Beckham, Victoria in tow, smirking like the cat that got the cream-covered canary at the King’s state banquet for the Qatari royals, I was in two minds. It pleased me to think of Meghan angrily slamming the doors of her 17 toilets, as the trophy couple the Sussexes once saw as friends so firmly showed their allegiance in the ongoing War of the Windsors. But on the other hand, there’s something rather unappealing about a monarchy which sups with showbiz, using a short spoon. We’ve just seen in the example of the American election how profoundly unimpressed people are when the powerful, rich and famous