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Why I’ve quit every club I joined

The famous Flyfishers’ Club, Britain’s oldest fly-fishing club, is the latest male bastion to have the fair sex banging at the door. Women feel they have been unjustly excluded throughout its 193-year history, and now they want in. Seeing as the Garrick has at last buckled to the demand to admit women, they say the Flyfishers should too. I quit the venerable Society of Authors too, after discovering it isn’t primarily for authors anymore But I, for one, will be making no such demand. And not just because I have zero interest in fishing with flies. The truth is, I am probably the least clubbable person you are likely to

I have three kids. Is that really so shocking?

‘I don’t know how you do it with three.’ I am at a child’s birthday party, working out how many Wotsits it is acceptable for me, an adult, to take. It is 10.13 a.m. and these Wotsits will be my breakfast. Something had to give in the morning routine to get my son here on time, and as usual it was daddy’s breakfast. I say my son – this one is my older son. Back at home is his four year old sister, and his new, two-week old baby brother. It’s bad form to discuss Chinese expansionism while nibbling a Quaver ‘Pardon?’ I say. ‘Three kids, man,’ says the Other

Derby day wagers and one for the Oaks

Who would have thought it? After four Classic races this season on both sides of the Irish Sea, the score between the trainers from the two nations is… Britain 4, Ireland 0. After the Irish routed their British rivals at the Cheltenham festival and with the formidable strength of Aidan O’Brien Co Tipperary yard, that scoreline would not have been predicted by many. This weekend we see the next two English classics contested on the Epsom Downs This weekend we see the next two English classics contested on the Epsom Downs: the Betfred Oaks today and the Betfred Derby tomorrow. Although horses from the O’Brien yard head the market for

The Beckham rumour that refuses to die

I first heard it in the spring of 1999 from a bloke who was sitting behind me at a West Ham game. It concerned David Beckham and Victoria Adams of the Spice Girls, who were then on their way to becoming the UK’s most prominent celebrity couple. They were set to marry that summer – and they particularly wanted to book an Essex country hotel for the event, he told me. But his friend of a friend had long since secured the booking on the day in question for his own wedding. On learning this, Beckham had been so keen on getting the coveted slot himself that he had offered to

What to do if you’re being sued

In each country where I have sued or defended a client, whether in England, France or the US, an often bitterly fought dispute ends peacefully. Given the brutal nature of our species, this could be considered surprising. For most of the 30,000 years we have roamed the planet, disputes have ended with one party killing the other. Drug disputes are still settled this way. Yet we rarely notice that ending a dispute peacefully is an historic leap forward. Judges are fallible. Even the most competent ones make mistakes You may enter the legal system of your own free choice or you may be dragged into it as a defendant. In

I’ve finally succumbed to a canal boat holiday

All my life I’ve wanted to take a narrow boat holiday down one of Britain’s canals but have never got round to it. There’s always been something easier and more pressing, perhaps even a touch more glamorous than a week spent floating around Britain – a trip to Andalusia, a city break, a train-ride round Siberia – but this year, in my mid-fifties, I’m finally making it happen. With my cousin and both our young daughters as crew members, I’ve shelled out on the rental of a four-berth narrow boat – painted a resplendent red and racing green, a bit like a Hornby train. In late July we set sail,