Tigers
‘I’m just saying, there seems something morally wrong about attacking a zebra in a wheelchair.’
More cartoons
Thursday
Nhs 3
‘Bloody hell — it’s worse than we thought.’
Litter
Cigarettes
‘But do they have child filters?’
Dogs 4
‘Why don’t these old country hotels have dinner gongs?’
Hosepipe
‘I’m using my hosepipe while I still can.’
Humpty
‘Nobody wears shell suits nowadays.’
Directions
‘Go past Jamie Oliver’s Diner, turn left at Marco Pierre White’s Bistro, carry on past the River Café and you’ll come to St Mary’s Church. The Food Bank is in the crypt.’
Muse
‘You just watch TV all day and drink beer. Why, exactly, do you need a “muse”?’
Mess
‘Give me a break — you know I have trouble coping with old technology.’
Londinium
‘It will cut the journey from Londinium to York by three weeks.’
Righteous
‘Still suffering from righteous block?’
Softwoods
‘OK, here’s the deal.’
Tobacco
‘Anyone mind if I give in to the tobacco lobby?’
Banknotes
‘There’s a Page 3 bird here looking for a home.’
Blackouts
Thursday
Hygiene
‘I’ll lick the spoon if you can produce a valid food hygiene certificate.’
Coffin
‘He’s building his own coffin from Lego.’
Boris 2
‘They exiled him there when he went mad.’
