Q. I have an aversion to shaking hands. How should I avoid this, without giving offence? My doctor informs me that more germs are passed by hand than by kissing. At my club no one shakes hands, unless they are being introduced to someone for the first time. However, even that I find trying. I
Q. I belong to a small reading group in the village in which I live and have always enjoyed our meetings. Recently, however, one member of the group took it upon herself to invite a new neighbour to join us. We wanted to be welcoming and so said nothing; unfortunately, however, the newcomer has rather
Q. A friend in the fashion world telephoned me to say that she was sending round a handbag worth £400 for my Christmas present. She told me frankly that she would not normally spend £400 on me but she had been given this bag by a public relations person representing a certain designer and did
Q. Having been well entertained by the ‘pyjama gaping’ problems and solutions, may I briefly insert my neat response? Gentlemen should obtain comfortably large pairs of Directoire ladies’ knickers in acetate fabric. Discreet shops do have them. Carefully snip into the single thickness hem where elastic is gathered at the knee. Draw out the elastic
For her traditional Christmas treat Mary has invited some of her favourite figures in the public eye to submit personal problems for her attention. From Robert HiscoxQ. Christmas time brings the threat of having to dance at a staff party. As a chairman in my sixties I wonder how to maintain any dignity when dragged
Q. Recently I agreed to a male friend of mine’s suggestion to take out a couple that we both know. I said that I would pay for half the dinner as the couple had entertained me many times. The male friend had recently joined an old established club and wanted to take the couple there,
Dear Mary… Q. Despite misgivings, and only when further evasion would have been offensive, I accepted an invitation to a dinner party from a successful architect with whom I have a perfectly amicable business relationship. My wife and I arrived and were introduced to two other couples — friends of the hosts of apparently fairly
Q. I was rather hurt yesterday when I delivered my 80-year-old mother to the Carlton Club at 3 p.m. to meet her friends and have tea and the porter would not allow me in. ‘Madam, are you wearing jeans!’ Too true — Armani jeans, Jermyn Street shirt, Burberry mac, flat ankle-length leather boots and small
Dear Mary… Q. As an elderly art-lover, I was thrilled to be invited to the private views of exhibitions by both Julian Barrow and his brother Andrew. Alas, I see these take place on the very same night next week and, as I am now nearly 90 and practically bedridden, I really cannot risk the
Dear Mary… Q. My wife and I have an old and dear friend who lives abroad. She divorced her husband some years ago and lives alone. We are both very fond of her and are usually delighted to see her whenever she is in England. My wife has a timeshare in the Lakes which we
Dear Mary… Q. You suggest (22 October) that scrap suppers be served on site following private views in art galleries. May I suggest the very same practice might well reverse the decline in numbers of young people attending classical concerts? For friendless, new to London perhaps, but unpushy lovers of classical music, it would surely
Dear Mary… Q. I have recently inherited a beautiful tapestry from an uncle of whom I was particularly fond, and who, I believe, was rather fond of me. While my cousin — who is shortly to move into her late father’s house — is happy to respect his wishes and let me have the tapestry,
Dear Mary… Q. I am an artist and will shortly be showing my latest works in a one-man show. I beg your advice on how I can circumvent the social difficulty which blights many private views — namely, what to do about having something to eat after the show? Clearly a two-tier system of those
Dear Mary… Q. Your child of not super-rich parents (8 October) needs to be aware that, if his parents hand ownership of their house to him, for the transfer to be valid for tax purposes they would then have to pay a full rent to him, and they might not want or be able to
Dear Mary… Q. I am the only child of parents in their seventies who are not super-rich but who do own a house in Dorset worth more than the £265,000 one is allowed to inherit before the 40 per cent inheritance tax comes into play. Ideally they would hand ownership of the house over to
Dear Mary… Q. Pyjama gape or not, aprons should not be worn by a gentleman. The pyjama gape correspondence originated in Aldeburgh and the solution lies no further away than nearby Leiston, where the renowned Volga Linen Company (www.volgalinen.co.uk, 01728 635020) has among its sublime products linen pyjamas whose tops reach the knees, which I
Dear Mary… Q. Staying with English friends in the south of France (about whom I have written to you before) my hosts took me to a rather raucous fancy dress party. Being sartorially challenged, I opted for a very short belly-dancing skirt and a minimalist top. My fortysomething hostess went as a Seventies go-go dancer
Q. I sympathise with B.M.F. (20 August). At a recent Proms concert, a superb performance of ‘Gerontius’ was ruined by a middle-aged woman continually fanning herself with her programme. It was not a hot night, and she was the only person in the hall doing so. She was very rude when someone tried to approach
Q. We live in a tiny village in the Drakensberg range of South Africa. The social life is frenetic, but mores are rigidly observed, especially one which dictates that invitations to a meal require reciprocity in a relatively short time. Our problem is that some close friends seem to have forgotten (we are, after all,
Dear Mary… Q. We were recently married and a number of people who had informed us that they were coming failed to appear on the day. Besides the disappointment, our catering was not cheap and these no-shows cost us a considerable sum. We had to be tough with numbers, and we had a few people