I’m a championship-winning footballer
‘I’m a championship-winning footballer trapped in a man’s body.’
Nick Newman
Thursday
If they shouldn’t be here
‘If they shouldn’t be here, we should send them to Rwanda.’
Thursday
The booster seat
‘The booster seat’s for Lord Wilf.’
Thursday
How does your garden grow?
‘Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?’
Thursday
Lulu Lytle
‘I expect Lulu Lytle will be overly decorated.’
Our leader’s decided to cling on
‘Our leader’s decided to cling on.’
Thursday
Never mix grain and grope
‘Never mix grain and grope.’
Thursday
When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen
‘When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen.’
An unlikely couple
‘I always said Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall made an unlikely couple.’
Taking money from Qatar
‘I expect you think I’m bonkers for taking money from Qatar.’
Thursday
Swim competitively
‘If you wish to swim competitively it’ll have to be in a separate category.’
Thursday
Crop circles
‘Whatever else, rewilding has ruined crop circles!’
Dammit!
‘Dammit! Have they no consideration for other people?’
Thursday
So he won the no-confidence vote?
‘So he won the no-confidence vote?’
I’ll book you on easyJet
‘If you don’t want to fly, I’ll book you on easyJet..’
Wednesday
My heating bill worries are over
‘Hooray! My heating bill worries are over!’
Thursday
The Downing Street press team
‘So you work in the Downing Street press team?’
Thursday
I find the price of bread a lot scarier
‘I find the price of bread a lot scarier.’
Thursday
I’m not surprised she nicked our porridge
‘What with the cost of living, I’m not surprised she nicked our porridge.’
Cancer’s got Putin
‘Poor old Cancer’s got Putin.’