Nick Newman

‘Hurrah! It’s peace in the Sausage War!’

‘We’re going to space because it’s less hassle than going to Portugal.’

‘Bend the rules! Move the goalposts! Kick it into touch!’

‘It’s a postcard from our neighbours on staycation next door.’

‘As a keen cyclist, Boris would want us to ignore the traffic lights.’

‘That’s a relief — we feared you had an explosive dossier.’

‘We’re free to cancel going abroad.’

‘I draw the line at leading the Labour party.’

‘Oh no! I completely forgot to be apathetic!’

‘Let’s play War. I’ll be Chatty Rat and you be Foolish and Unethical.’

‘You must ask yourself the question: “Will I be stinking rich?”’

‘Halt! Who goes there — friend or Defence Secretary?

‘Our son’s so lazy, I’m having to take his Covid test for him.’

‘I know it’s good to get to school early, but 8 March is two weeks away.’