Will I be stinking rich?
‘You must ask yourself the question: “Will I be stinking rich?”’
Nick Newman
Thursday
Thursday
Halt! Who goes there
‘Halt! Who goes there — friend or Defence Secretary?
Quentin Tarantino bloodfest
‘It’s the new Quentin Tarantino bloodfest.’
Thursday
Our son’s so lazy
‘Our son’s so lazy, I’m having to take his Covid test for him.’
Thursday
I know it’s good to get to school early
‘I know it’s good to get to school early, but 8 March is two weeks away.’
Thursday
Quarantine hotel
‘I flew in this morning.’
Navalny supporter
‘Keep it to yourself but I’m a Navalny supporter.’
Thursday
Fly by the seat of your pants
‘You can still fly by the seat of your pants.’
Thursday
Euan Blair bank
‘I suggest switching to the Bank of Euan Blair’s Mum and Dad.’
Thursday
Free school meal
‘The free school meal is so bad my daughter refuses to photograph it.’
Thursday
No thanks, I’m too tiered
‘No thanks, I’m too tiered.’
Thursday
I hope by March I’ll remember how to bunk off
‘I hope by March I’ll remember how to bunk off.’
Thursday
Take your temperatiure
‘I need to take your temperature.’
Thursday
I’ll be gutted
‘Whatever the Brexit deal outcome, I’ll be gutted!’
Thursday
Hooray! Now we can die from something else!
‘Hooray! Now we can die from something else!’
Thursday
Special adviser advent calendar
‘Each day reveals a special adviser who resigns.’
Thursday
The peerless social satire of Pont of Punch
Eighty years ago this month, the cartoonist Graham Laidler — better known as Pont — died of polio. He contracted the disease while evacuating refugees from London in his car. He was only 32. In 1940, thousands of people were dying in the war, but Pont’s death was marked by an appreciation from J.B. Priestley
I find a graph a lot scarier
‘I find a graph a lot scarier.’
Margin of error
‘What’s the margin of terror?’
Thursday
When I saw lockdown coming
‘When I saw lockdown coming I headed straight for the barbers.’
