Souvenir from Paris
‘We brought you back a souvenir from Paris’
Nick Newman
Wednesday
No need to forgive me
‘No need to forgive me, Father, for my advisers assured me I haven’t sinned.’
Wednesday
Mr Punch will get a knighthood
‘I expect Mr Punch will get a knighthood.’
Thursday
Which author would you like to cancel?
‘Which author would you like to cancel?’
Wednesday
The case against Boris Johnson
‘It’s the case against Boris Johnson’
Wednesday
If you really loved me
‘If you really loved me you would have got me a tomato.’
Wednesday
I accept you saw Elvis
‘I accept you saw Elvis – I just don’t believe he had a tomato.’
Wednesday
You’re just miffed
‘You’re just miffed because the King hasn’t invited you to the coronation.’
Wednesday
Let’s hope he hasn’t got into bed with another publisher
‘Let’s hope he hasn’t got into bed with another publisher.’
I keep forgetting if I’ve misplaced classified documents
‘I keep forgetting if I’ve misplaced classified documents.’
Wednesday
Unflinching memoir
‘Will this be a kiss-and-tell in an unflinching memoir?’
Wednesday
I’m doing work experience
‘I’m doing work experience, but I’m on strike.’
Monday
Naighty or nice
‘Let’s check whether you’ve been naughty or nice.’
Extra money in the pudding
‘I trust there’s 11 per cent extra money in the pudding.’
Friday
‘Unfunded giveaways? Are you insane?’
‘Unfunded giveaways? Are you insane?’
I can’t stop the doors opening
‘I can’t stop the doors opening.’
Wednesday
There’s going to be a chronic shortage of Tories
‘There’s going to be a chronic shortage of Tories.’
