Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 16 June 2007

Monday

Disaster. Dave’s big policy announcement on illegal logging totally ruined by rogue spelling error and I’m to blame. Can’t believe I could be so stupid as to add a letter ‘b’ by mistake. Nigel says I must have done it on purpose. Jed says my ‘Inner Moderniser’ did it subliminally. Either way we now have a v. draconian policy on illegal blogging which is going to cause all sorts of upset to the men who live in the chatrooms. That nice Mr Dale sits up half the night deleting swear words as it is. Hope no one tells them it was me who came up with new regime of fines and imprisonment. They might start calling me names. I don’t mind myself but I have to think of Mummy. She’s on the internet all the time now, selling Sesame’s smelly old horse rugs to unsuspecting bidders for vast sums. Says she makes more money than when she was in fine art. Apparently you can shift any old rubbish on the internet. That’s the power of the information superhighway for you!

Tuesday

Everyone v. worried about Gordo’s speech on security. Surely no coincidence that he’s planning more bugging and surveillance just as we turn CCHQ into GCHQ. Jed says he’s ‘parking his tanks on our lawn’. No one has seen Gary, our new Comms Director who’s come from the tabloids, since he moved all his funny equipment into the office. But the phone lines are clicking like mad and he’s churning out b****cking memos like they’ve just been invented. Today we got one reminding us that sloppy briefing will not be tolerated. Wonky Tom took this v. seriously. Was on his pay-as-you-go mobile to tell his best friend at the Guardian all about it within seconds.