Tamzin Lightwater’s New Year’s Resolutions
Here they are, my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:
1. Keep job. Make self indispensable to Dave, thus ensuring that should the axe fall again on the Tory nerve centre as Britain plunges ever deeper into recession, Yours Truly will be last person Jed thinks of when he’s trying to make savings, and not just escape redundancies cos am the only one here who knows how to restart the cappuccino machine, which is running a limited service only, by the way — no chocolate sprinkles until further notice due to Compassionate Cutbacks.
2. Devise responsible yet headline grabbing fiscal stimulus. Gids’ and Mr Letwin’s proposals on the economy, while brilliant, just aren’t making headway for complicated reasons to do with voters mistakenly thinking they’re a load of rubbish. What puzzles me is, why has no one found The Big Idea? How hard can it be to come up with something slicker than Gordon’s plans to plunge Britain into a gazillion pounds worth of debt? Am sure can think of something. Just as soon as I shift this hangover.
3. Ignore the polls. They’re clearly rogue. Even Mr Maude is beginning to get bored of them. You can have too much of a good thing, you know, and he hasn’t enjoyed sustained falls like this since Mr Hague was in charge. Which reminds me, must try and have another go at persuading Mr H to take ‘Leader of the Opposition’ off his letterhead. Dave doesn’t like it.
4. Find out why wasn’t invited to Lord A’s Xmas party at the Landmark. It’s not as if it was all that exclusive.