Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 3 March 2007

MONDAY

I know I should be excited about the move to Millbank — historic landslide here we come! — but I’d just got my desk next to Jed’s office. It’s taken months of ‘edging’ at rate of one centimetre a day. Now I’ll have to start all over again. It’s sad to be leaving our traditional home above Starbucks. So much history, so many memories: the time I left a top-secret policy document on the counter, the hours spent queuing for caramel lattes. It’s the end of an era….

Dave and DD back from the East End looking v triumphant after their immigration crackdown. DD proclaimed: ‘The boy done well, he’s definitely getting the hang of it.’ Then told his latest joke, which involves putting the new border police force in Bullingdon Club tailcoats.

TUESDAY

Spent morning packing. Found a mouldy chocolate orange in bottom of desk drawer. Felt bit tearful. Made me think of the old days when things were edgy and we took real risks, blazed a trail. Those were great times.

Nigel has just shown me the seating plan and it’s not good news. Am about as far as it is possible to be from Jed, and right next to Mr Letwin! ‘Well, he likes you. You’re the only one who can keep him calm when we’re putting out statements supporting marriage. When you’re not around, he hyperventilates.’ This is not fair. It was never in my job description to keep Mr Letwin from doing himself an injury.

Mr Maude gloomy after his fact-finding mission to Australia. We hid the opinion-poll charts to avoid a scene. And that stuff in the weekend papers about bloodsports.

Can’t believe Dave is into stalking — the stag variety, not the creepy man following you down the street, obviously! Mummy says I should get myself invited.