Bruce Anderson

Felines and Figaro

A wondrous moon, the Marriage of Figaro, and Pol Roger

I know little about human medicine: still less about the animal equivalent. So I had always assumed that vets were failed doctors, who had to make their living in muddy byres at 4 a.m., managing the cow through a difficult pregnancy while trying to avoid her hooves. The other evening, at a dinner party full of cat owners, I heard an entirely different version. Everyone had horror stories about the cost of cat medicine. The winner was a girl whose moggy’s treatment had cost over £1,000, including the price of three days in a cat hospital.

There had been an uncovenanted benefit. When Daphne came home, she displayed gratitude, or at least catitude. If that became known in feline circles, she would be in trouble. Every kitten receives the same instruction from her mother: ‘Remember: dogs have owners, we have staff. If you hand out compliments when they are only doing their duty, you’ll spoil them.’

All these cats had health insurance. (Have insurance companies’ shares been sufficiently discounted?) But another friend of mine had failed to take that precaution. Richard, who lives in Derbyshire, spends a lot of his week with the Southron folk. When he arrives back on Friday evening, the weekend begins with a ritual. His wife pours him a pint of gin and tonic. Recently, halfway through the tipple, gently unwinding, he received a rude shock. One of the cats had been injured and it would cost £3,000 to put right. Being a robust northerner, Richard would think it barely justifiable to spend that much on an ailing wife. A cat: surely not. He put his case. It did not find favour. His wife is also from the north. Do not let anyone claim that there is no sentimentality north of Watford.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in