Society

Thursday

Madeline Grant

Admit it: most wedding speeches are awful

Perhaps the most traumatic part of attending an American wedding – much worse than the bridesmaids coming in the wrong way, the proliferation of dinner suits and the tendency of couples to write their own appalling vows – is the tradition of the ‘rehearsal dinner’. This, an event the night before the wedding, is where the United States of America gets to play out its full psychotic breakdown in the context of a couple’s nuptials. It seems unfair to expect Home Counties dads to be masters of oratory Anyone, and I mean, anyone, is allowed to stand up and make a speech. Meaning that Uncle Robert E. Lee IV from

Mary Wakefield Mary Wakefield

The grooming gang inquiry we really need

It’s disorienting but satisfying that Labour now accepts that Asian grooming gangs exist. Some of my left-identified friends are even beginning to share the outrage – over Qari Abdul Rauf, for instance, one of the nastiest of the Rochdale rapists, who still lives in Rochdale a decade after the first steps to deport him were taken. Rauf simply ripped up his Pakistani passport and couldn’t then be shifted. He’s cost the taxpayer nearly £300,000 in legal fees, but still has enough dosh to throw regular house parties and, it was reported this week, to start building a second home back in Pakistan. Pimping out children pays. It’s nice that the

Philip Hensher

Public libraries deserve to shut – they’ve forgotten why they exist

The usual piece about public libraries runs like this. Public libraries are for ‘more than just books’. They are in a desperate plight after years of cuts, or better still ‘Tory cuts’. Librarians, who are heroes, struggle to go on serving their local communities. Libraries are hanging on by a thread, and because of those government cuts can’t be as useful as they once were. The only solution, of course, is more money from central government to local authorities, who, of course, will dash to spend the extra millions on reinstating public libraries and not add it to other things they want to splurge on. It’s tragic, for instance, that

Peter Jones

A Spartan’s guide to body shaming

Now that new drugs have allowed the government’s Fat Controller to celebrate a nation of skinnies – let us hope the drugs are not too temptingly tasty – he will not have to adopt the Spartan custom of checking their naked young men every ten days for signs of excessive thinness or corpulence. In Greek eyes, obesity was particularly associated with luxury. On their tomb paintings, Etruscans tended to depict aristocrats at dinner as very fat and even more contented. Ptolemy Alexander, a Greek king of Egypt, needed two people to support him when he left the room to relieve himself. The vast Dionysius, tyrant of Heraclea (coast of north

Luke McShane

Counter-check

For a chess player, delivering a check to the king always feels like asking a question, as if to say, ‘What are you going to do about that?’ And I was instructed as a child: ‘Don’t answer a question with a question!’ So naturally, I get an impish thrill from those rare occasions where a check is met by a move which simultaneously delivers a check to the opponent. Such a counter-check could even be mate. That circumstance is vanishingly rare in practical play, but composers of chess problems have often toyed with the idea. One shining example is the position in the first diagram, a mate in three composed

Luke McShane

No. 857

White to play and mate in two moves. Composed by Barry Barnes, the Observer, 1964. Barnes, who died in January, was a great expert and composer of mate in two problems. Email answers (first move only) to chess@spectator.co.uk by Monday 7 July. There is a prize of £20 for the first correct answer out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 f4! The queen cannot safely defend the Ne4, so Black resigned Last week’s winner Reginald Chaplin, Woodford Green, Essex  

Lucy Vickery

Spectator Competition: Problematic

For Competition 3406 you were invited to cast a well-known fictional or non-fictional character, living or dead, in the role of agony aunt or uncle and provide a problem of your invention and their solution. There was very little to choose between an excellent crop. Unlucky losers include Bill Greenwell, Ralph Goldswain, Peter Smalley, Frank McDonald, Mark Ambrose, Bill Ries, Frank Upton and Brian Murdoch. The £25 John Lewis vouchers go to those entries printed below. Q: A near neighbour has a white van he insists on parking right outside my house, even though his own parking space usually stands unoccupied. At home most of the time and noticing its

Fieldfare

2710: The clash

In one square in each quarter of the grid, across and down entries clash (leave these squares blank). From these eight letters four unclued lights (mutual anagrams) can be formed, each defined by one other unclued light. Across 6    Endlessly fortunate to go on morning walks (6) 10    No Southern Italian entertains blockheads (11) 11    Irritating, not snidely malicious at first (5) 14    Record recent warning car may carry (1-5) 16    One fanatical about swimmer (4) 17    Miserable and low, new standard (4,4) 22    Strain, not bad at first, coming on well (2,5) 24    Somewhat curious note (3) 26    Length of US railroad (3) 28    Free party night we hear

The Spectator

2707: Get-together – solution

Twelve unclued entries can be paired to make six portmanteau words: CHILLAX (CHILL + RELAX), MOTEL (MOTOR + HOTEL), DRAMEDY (DRAMA + COMEDY), BLOG (WEB + LOG), FRENEMY (FRIEND + ENEMY) and COSPLAY (COSTUME + PLAY). First prize Stephen Rea, Cheltenham, Gloucestershire Runners-up Brenda Widger, Altrincham, Cheshire Michael Moran, Penrith, Cumbria

Steve Morris

How postcards made Britain

Worse for drink, and lonely in his Hollywood apartment, F. Scott Fitzgerald sat down to write a postcard. He began, ‘How are you?’, an important question as he was planning to send the postcard to himself.  Although he never sent it, perhaps he understood the magical ability of the postcard to cheer us up. They’ve been doing that since the first ones – plain cards bearing a pre-printed stamp – were introduced into Britain in 1870. It took time for the current format as we know it to develop: picture on one side and, on the other, a space for the address and some words. By the Edwardian period, 800

Toby Young Toby Young

Ofcom still isn’t sure what a woman is

Earlier this week, GB News again found itself at odds with Ofcom. The channel had written to the broadcast regulator asking if, in light of the Supreme Court judgment affirming that the word ‘sex’ in the Equality Act means biological sex, it could now treat the dispute between trans-rights activists and gender-critical feminists as a ‘settled’ matter. ‘Broadly settled’ was the phrase Ofcom applied to the ‘theory of anthropogenic global warming’ in a guidance note issued in 2013 stating that broadcasters were no longer under an obligation to be impartial when discussing the issue. GB News wanted to know whether the regulator would extend the same latitude to debates about

Roger Alton Roger Alton

State-school cricket at Lord’s? Bring it on

A state-school cricket competition announced last week with a final at Lord’s is such a good idea you wonder why it has taken until now for someone to come up with it. Ever since Lord (George) Byron convinced the authorities to allow the first Eton vs Harrow match to be played at Lord’s in 1805, the public schools have monopolised the cricket played on the game’s most celebrated turf. Byron himself, although crippled with dysplasia and a deformed right foot, played for Harrow in that match and afterwards went to the West End to ‘kick up a convivial row in the Haymarket Theatre’. The new T20 competition was launched at

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How can I get enough champagne at a party?

Q. I had the same Spanish housekeeper for 25 years and was devoted to her, and she to me. She was loyal, reliable, fastidious and an excellent cook. She died three years ago and I mourn her every day. I have often wondered how you would have dealt with the one aspect of our relationship which was unsatisfactory. Each morning she arrived at 8 a.m. and went straight into the flat’s guest lavatory, where she evacuated. The smell somehow permeated the whole flat for some time. I always wanted to suggest that she arrive at 8.10, having gone at home first, but couldn’t think of a way to say so without

Tanya Gold Tanya Gold

‘This is as good as food gets in London’ – Town, in Drury Lane, reviewed

Town – well-named, it has vitality – is on the ragged part of Drury Lane WC2 near the Majestic Wine Warehouse and Travelodge. Like musical theatre, whose home this district still is, it is so ebullient and desirous of being loved that it is impossible not to love it back, because it seethes with that rare thing in days of ennui: enthusiasm. It is Judy Garland before the drugs won out and Max Bialystock of The Producers before he lost the pearl in his cravat pin and fell to shagging little old ladies to fund bad plays. It is not exactly the fag end of Covent Garden reborn – we

Dot Wordsworth

The politics of pips

‘What larks!’ exclaimed my husband archly, assuming that a connection between personal independence payments and Pip in Great Expectations would be amusing. But it is true that the political wrangle over personal independence payments would have been harder to popularise without the cheery abbreviation. Some of us remember Denis Healey’s promise to ‘squeeze property speculators until the pips squeak’. He might also have made similar promises about the rich in general. His inspiration was Sir Eric Campbell Geddes, First Lord of the Admiralty from 1917. ‘We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon,’ he said of Germany in December 1918. ‘I will squeeze

Lloyd Evans Lloyd Evans

Will the Irish ever forgive the English?

Leaving home is the best way to find out who you are. In my case, it’s a muddle. Welsh dad. Irish mum. English upbringing. And I feel pleasantly detached wherever I go. In England, I’m considered Welsh. In Ireland, I’m considered English. In Wales, I’m considered inadequate because I don’t speak the language, apart from the odd term like ‘popty ping’ (microwave). From childhood I’ve been a scholar of English preconceptions about my Celtic brethren. ‘Welsh? Cave-dwellers who love sheep.’ ‘Irish? Bog-trotters who love horses.’ The Irish are preferred, especially by the English upper classes, who are infatuated with Ireland as an abstract concept. But they’re less keen on the

Melissa Kite

I’ve become a slave to my Airbnb star rating

‘Right, we’re going to book into Pauline’s B&B and give her a four-star rating and that will drop her down from a perfect five,’ I said, in a state of utter lunacy. We were sitting in front of the fire at the end of a rainy West Cork day during which another difficult customer had rated us four stars, which should not be terminal but is, because of the way Airbnb plunges your overall rating the second one guest doesn’t rate you five stars. I was so upset at our latest downgrading that I was comparing myself with other B&B listings in the area with a perfect five, and had

Robin Oakley

‘Boldness was his friend in betting and in life’: A tribute to the great Barry Hills

I have always enjoyed Royal Windsor Racecourse, as it styles itself. It may not have quite so many dignitaries popping in from the castle up the road as Royal Ascot does, but it has long been famed for its friendliness and approachability. Jockeys moving from the weighing room to join their mounts under the parade ring trees pick their way between picnics and the Pimm’s and Caribbean cocktail outlets, readily pausing for autographs. In times long past, a former clerk of the course once responded to jockeys complaining about the cold autumn changing room by bringing in a bottle of whisky from the Stewards’ Room. Watching young Olivia Tubb win

The Spectator

For the NHS, it’s Wes or bust

Labour swept to power on a pledge to ‘save the NHS’. As shadow health secretary, Wes Streeting said he would go ‘further than New Labour ever did’ to clear the health service’s backlog and, to achieve this, he claimed old taboos would be torn up, including the use of the private sector to improve services. Failure to clear the backlog now will be hugely politically consequential for this government. Partly because of how important the NHS is to the voting public, but more so because of the emotional resonance the service and its ‘free-at-the-point-of-use’ model has for Labour, both its MPs and its supporters. If the party that founded the