Society

Thursday

20 Feb 2025

How to get your husband to do the vacuuming

This column nearly didn’t happen. Just as I sat down to write, disaster! My dishwasher lost its connection to the internet. This meant I could no longer view real-time feedback about its water consumption on the app. Nor could I start my dishwasher remotely from my office, timing it perfectly so it would be ending the drying cycle when I got home. This facility is, of course, almost entirely pointless. I use it all the time. Thus I was nearly resigned to cancelling this column in order to spend the next six hours fixing the problem. Fortunately, resetting the router fixed the glitch straight away, which is why you are

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How do I get my friend’s wife to keep her distance?

Q. Every year my husband takes two weeks’ prime salmon fishing on a Scottish river. It’s a really nice holiday with a comfortable lodge and a cook. Around Christmas time we start inviting couples to come to stay as our guests, usually by email. Some of them tend to be slow to respond, which is annoying because you just want to know if they’re coming so you can ask other people if not. I feel it would slightly spoil the invitation to put at the end: ‘Please get back to us with your decision as soon as possible.’ Do you have a more subtle idea? – Name and address withheld

Bruce Anderson

Should you bother decanting wine?

We were almost having a symposium and I was invited to define Toryism in one sentence. I replied that one book would be easier: the late Roger Scruton’s On Hunting, which ought to be subtitled: ‘From Horse-Shit to Heaven: the Search for Love, Order and God.’ ‘But what if you leave out God, and therefore heaven?’ said one fellow: ‘What would be left?’ ‘What indeed. Many learned Tories – Dr Johnson, Salisbury and Quintin Hogg being obvious examples – would have given a simple answer: nothing.’ Those of us who have to do without God and yet avoid the abyss of nothingness can only fall back on eupeptic pessimism. Edward

Dot Wordsworth

RFK Jr and the curious birth of ‘brainchild’

‘No, RFK didn’t have a tapeworm eating his brain,’ declared my husband in the rare tone he adopts when he knows what he is talking about. I’d asked him as a doctor about something Robert F. Kennedy (last week sworn in as America’s health secretary) had said in 2012, according to a report in the New York Times last year. A problem experienced in 2010 was, he had said, ‘caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died’. ‘No, if it was cysticercosis,’ my husband insisted, ‘it would have been a larval form of the tapeworm forming a cyst in the brain.

Susan Hill

A game of hide-and-seek with the Queen

One of the best things about growing older is being far less easily embarrassed. You have dealt with so many potentially tricky situations so often that you breeze through, no longer blushing, staring at the floor or looking for the nearest exit. I feel sorry for the young when they make a small faux pas and are convinced that everyone in the room is staring, or worse, laughing at them behind their hands, whereas at my age you know that probably no one has even noticed. If they have, and they do stare, laugh or comment, you can handle that with aplomb, too. The last time someone made a remark

Melissa Kite

I won’t let my mother be sent to a care home

My mother was about to be taken to a care home called Willow Trees, and the first thing my instincts told me about that was that willow trees would not be the prevailing feature there. When I looked it up, my suspicions were confirmed. Not only could I not see willow trees, it also had a low rating for infection and safety. I phoned a private company to be quoted a mind-blowing fee for a live-in carer for a week or two, until I can get there, so she can be discharged from the hospital ward where they are holding her – there is no other word for it – while

Aidan Hartley

How I found my way to my half-brother

Kenya In my dream my father is sitting next to me in the car as we drive around our hometown of Malindi, in Kenya. I realise it must be odd for him, because so much has changed in the decades since he died. He keeps shaking his head in disbelief at the thronging crowds of modern Africa and all the buildings, the vanished forests, the once-empty bush and all the other things that have changed. I say I’m pleased to see him but ask why he has returned here after all these years and he just says: ‘Take care of Michael’. I first learned about Michael at the age of

Susanna Gross

Bridge | 22 February 2025

If you don’t like highly artificial bidding systems, then the auction below – awarded Best Bid Hand of 2024 by the International Bridge Press Association – isn’t for you. But you can’t deny it’s pretty impressive. With a combined 32 points, balanced hands and no 8-card fit, Linlin Hu (East) and Yinghao Liu (West) were the only pair in a top-flight Chinese tournament to bid slam on a 4-3 fit. All those in 6NT went down. Most players try to steer clear of Moysian fits, as they’re known – after all, 64 per cent of the time one opponent has as many or more trumps than you. But sometimes they’re

Luke McShane

Good Keymer

Freestyle Chess (also known as Fischer-Random, Chess960, or Chess9LX), is the variant in which pieces on the back row are shuffled in one of 960 configurations at the start of the game. Until now, it has been regarded as a novelty. Standard chess offers a great starting position, in that there are countless ways to develop harmony between the pieces. But elite players have studied this phase in depth, and it is rare that they face any truly novel problems in the opening phase. Freestyle Chess is arguably a more stringent test of skill than the standard game, because players cannot rely on their memory. Even for elite players, the

Esther Walker

Have I been blacklisted by the binmen?

Monday, and Camden council have yet again failed to empty my food waste bin. They never miss my rubbish or dry recycling – it’s only ever the smelly stuff. I give my neighbour’s brown bin a little kick. Emptied! This feels personal. I call the council. ‘Look, this is a nightmare,’ I say. ‘This is the second week in a row. Are we on a blacklist?’ Pause. ‘Our operatives are too busy to keep lists,’ says the lady. Hang on – you mean if they weren’t so busy, they would? Things my husband and I have bickered about this week: my devotion to an ugly but comfortable pair of rubber

Prue Leith

How to ski when you can’t ski

I was 30 when I first went skiing, and up for absolutely anything. I was a successful party caterer who had just opened my first restaurant. I had a food column for the Daily Mail, and I was about to open Leith’s cookery school. I was sporty, played tennis every Tuesday, rode polo ponies on Ham Common on Fridays and I loved to dance. I thought I could do anything. Why wouldn’t I make a skier? So when Harold Evans, renowned editor of the Sunday Times, was looking for journalists over 30 to report on learning to ski, I was a gung-ho volunteer. Harry had learnt to ski late, loved

Paul Wood

I was convinced by the cholesterol sceptics

It’s never a good thing when your cardiologist sounds alarmed on the phone. Come in tomorrow, he said: we’ll get you on the table. He wasn’t talking about cracking my chest, thank Christ, but threading a wire in through a vein to get a look at the heart, blow up a tiny balloon to stretch the artery, and maybe leave behind a metal tube or three. I wasn’t keen on that last part. Then I thought: serves me right. I should have avoided all those bacon sandwiches and steaks fried in butter. ‘The wages of sin is death.’ Probably should have taken the statins, too. But if you are, understandably,

Luke McShane

No. 838

White to play. A variation from Keymer-Carlsen, Freestyle Chess Grand Slam Tour, Weissenhaus 2025. Which move allows White to conclude the attack? Email answers to chess@spectator.co.uk by Monday 24 February. There is a prize of a £20 John Lewis voucher for the first correct answer out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Re8+ Rxe8 2 Qxd6 wins the queen. The game went 1…Kh7 2 Qxd8 and Black resigned a few moves later. Last week’s winner Malcolm Belt, Exmouth

Ian Williams

How China exploits the West’s climate anxiety

In the fight against climate change, China loves to present itself as the world’s White Knight. Armed with wind turbines and solar panels, EVs and batteries, it will rescue us from oblivion if only we would let it. There’s no shortage of western politicians, academics and organisations who are happy to go along with the idea that China is an ally in the global green revolution. The argument, broadly put, is that whatever our differences on other things (trifles such as security, economics and human rights), surely we can agree on saving the planet. Rachel Reeves seemed to reach that conclusion when she returned from her visit to Beijing last

Victoria Lane

Spectator Competition: Big bash

In Comp. 3387, for the centenary of the publication of The Great Gatsby and Mrs Dalloway, you were invited to submit a passage in which one goes to the other’s party. It was especially hard to whittle this one down. Deserving a mention: Mrs D.’s West Egg dream by Brian Murdoch (‘“Sod the temporal perspective and narrative shifts,” she thought, “I need a nap”’) and Basil Ransome-Davies’s rendering of stream of consciousness (‘newspaper vendors at Piccadilly Circus, pigeons marooned in roof space, university architects, pistachio ice cream in a Viennese café… What made her wonder if Mr Carraway was Mr Gatsby’s petit ami like that mad young French poet?’); also

Douglas Murray

Is Britain ready for blasphemy laws?

In its infinite wisdom, the Labour government appears to be reconsidering the introduction of a blasphemy law in the UK. It has picked up this idea despite it being so idiotic that it was even rejected by the last Conservative government. That well-known theologian Angela Rayner has decided to set up a council to look into the question of ‘Islamophobia’. As mentioned, there was a push to do this during the Conservative era, when a committee including some of the worst people then in public life – Dominic Grieve, Naz Shah, Anna Soubry – looked into the same thing. Their scholarship foundered, as it always will, on how you protect

The Spectator

How has Brexit affected ferry travel?

Meeting expectations Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin had a telephone call prior to US and Russian officials meeting in Saudi Arabia. It was the first time the US and Russian leaders had spoken in three years. How often did US and Soviet leaders meet during the Cold War? — After Harry S. Truman met Josef Stalin in Potsdam in July/August 1945, shortly after the end of the second world war in Europe, Stalin did not meet a US president again. Nikita Khrushchev met Dwight Eisenhower three times, at Geneva (1955), Washington (1959) and Paris (1960). John F. Kennedy also met Khrushchev in Vienna in 1961. — After the Cuban missile

Charles Moore

My Valentine’s Day car crash

Marco Rubio, the US Secretary of State, is not a MAGA groupie, but a believer in the Nato alliance. He knows about working with allies. Yet he says that the Americans should go right ahead with Russia, the murderous aggressor, without bringing Ukraine, ally and victim, or the Nato member states, into the talks. This is President Trump’s will, he says. Compare with the Middle East. Would Rubio – or Trump – say that Hamas, the murderous aggressor, was the key player, and should therefore have bilateral talks with the US whereas Israel, ally and victim, should just sit and wait to be told later what is happening? Trump helped

Doc

2691: Very large fellow

The title wrote three unclued lights (one of two words) with the letter-count (3,8,6,4), whose members are the other unclued lights (two pairs, another of two words and a singleton). Solvers must highlight the singleton’s missing moniker hidden in the completed grid. Across 11 Half the beans initially seem superfluous accompanying hot paste with chillis (7) 12 Seashore grass blowing back and forth (6) 14 Just a moment for A. Lloyd Webber’s collaborator (5) 16 Less convincing Debussy composition (2,3) 19 Poor actor’s part as expressed on picnic menu (3,4) 23 Leading academic’s endless nonsense on fish (7) 24 Raw sea-mist outside of hangar (4) 25 Figure runs home not

The Spectator

2688: 4 + 4 = 8 – solution

The unclued four-letter solutions are paired, one inside the other, to yield the four unclued 8-letter words: 37 ÷ 19 = 3, 15 ÷ 6 = 23, 21 ÷ 8 = 40 and 31D ÷ 38 = 44. First prize R.A. Towle, Ilkeston, Derbyshire Runners-up R.B. Briercliffe, Onchan, Isle of Man; Roger Cairns, Chalfont Heights, Bucks