Q. I like and get on well with my sister-in-law. My problem is that she is incredibly nosy and I always feel she is itching for a chance to go through my private papers. I can hardly lock the room where they are kept, so it means I have to keep an eye on her – almost as much as you would a toddler – all the time she is in our house. What do you suggest, Mary?
– Name and address withheld
A. Source an A4-sized documents box – the sort that you close with a ribbon. Lay the box on its back and fill with marbles. Tie the ribbon to shut the contents in and place the box, ribbon-side down, in a bookshelf with its back superglued to the wall. Put a sticky label on the front saying: ‘Super private papers – confidential.’ Then go shopping. Your sister-in-law will be tempted to take the box down so she can peep inside, but as she attempts to do so she will undo the ribbons. The marbles will cascade out and you can come back into the house just as she is scrabbling to put them back in – an unachievable task.
Q. I have made the mistake of confiding in someone who I now realise is not as discreet as I had been led to believe. I’m hoping you might be able to tell me what I can do as she holds various pieces of information that I regret giving to her.
– S.W., Dublin
A. You might halt her flow by offering a further story to her – this time a fictitious one. Tell her a random person you met (make up a name) had queried one of the confidences you had shared with her. Say the randomer had learned this via a third party who claimed that you yourself were the original source. Say: ‘I feel awful because I realise, when I told you, I never said don’t pass it on.’ Stay silent while she explains herself.
Q. Friends with whom we have stayed over the years – and they with us – have now put on Airbnb the holiday house where we used to stay with them as guests. We are currently renting it and very much enjoying our time here. I wonder what is the etiquette about sending a thank-you letter? Would it be expected? Even though we have paid full price, it somehow feels it would be rude not to write.
– W.M., London SW18
A. Your instinct to communicate is correct. As they are friends, they would surely welcome ‘feedback’, which is a different thing to a thank-you letter. Send a text congratulating them on the successful repurposing of the house. Mention one or two good ideas they have had. You can skip the traditional sections about how hospitable they were since, as you say, you paid full price.
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