You can always spot the pushy parents
‘You can always spot the pushy parents.’

‘You can always spot the pushy parents.’
‘We’ll use the money we saved taking him out of private school to pay the fines for taking him out of state school.’
‘This is Ms Trellis, our drama teacher.’
‘But the school will fine us if we take the kids away during term time.’
This is about something that did not happen to me at school, an exam I dreaded, but never had to take. It was the only examination that ever really worried me, and it was called Common Entrance. Do not confuse it with modern imitations bearing the same name. In those days, preparing for it involved (for me, anyway) translating English into Latin and French (a proper knowledge of irregular verbs and a wide vocabulary in both those languages was required). It also demanded thorny and tricky types of mathematics, an astounding grasp of largely Imperial geography – and a full knowledge of English history since the Conquest. I actually understood
Oxford and Cambridge have released figures showing how many offers they gave to pupils from schools in the 2023 Ucas application cycle. We have combined the figures in this table. It shows how well state grammars and sixth-form colleges compete with independent schools. Over the years, both universities have increased the proportion of acceptances from state schools: 72 per cent, up from 52 per cent in 2000. Of the 80 schools, 29 are independent, 29 grammar or partially selective, 17 sixth-form colleges and five are comprehensives or academies. (Schools are ranked by offers received, then by offer-to-application ratio. If schools received fewer than three offers from one university, this number
‘Well, I enjoyed your first day back at school, dear…’
‘A is for anxiety, B is for borderline personality disorder, C is for cognitive behaviour therapy…’
‘I’d pay £500 to never hear another word about the Oasis reunion.’
‘Relax – the price you pay doesn’t involve VAT.’
‘Wing of bat, eye of newt, Heinz spaghetti carbonara…’
‘Who’d like to go first?’
‘Oh dear. I was hoping our fuel allowance would pay for our Oasis tickets.’
‘We’ve got whisky and wild, wild women, but no cigarettes pal.’
‘The school is smaller since fees went up.’