My truth
‘I promise to tell my truth, my whole truth and nothing but my truth.’

‘Dog-friendly pub? That was the previous owners.’
‘Why aren’t you celebrating Pride Month?’
‘Is the food ultra processed?’
‘Say vegan cheese.’
‘Once upon a time there were humans.’
‘This has all got a bit out of hand.’
‘Hello, Police? I’d like to report an idiot using their phone while driving.’
‘My shoplifting was a disaster – this was the only thing untagged.’
‘I believe what sets me apart is my unique perspective as a bald, white, middle-aged male.’
‘I’m doing woke experience.’
‘Hold the front page!’
‘Turns out he was only seeing me for my Netflix password.’