The ceasefire
‘Could you turn this into bad news, please?’
‘This house depresses me. The damp spot’s got worse.’
‘They’ve mis-spelled Reform.’
‘How desperate are the Tories, on a scale of one to bringing back Boris Johnson?’
‘Is it too late for a letter of no confidence?’
‘There’s a new Taylor Swift album’
‘I’m defecting to Reform.’
‘Would you prefer to hear your operation’s been cancelled by email, post, SMS, phone, WhatsApp, Google Chat – or all of the above?’
‘I would aim one at the Tory conference but the chances of hitting anyone are remote.’
‘Thank God, that’s the Christmas shopping finished.’
‘This is no time for a leadership contest’
‘It’s not the most aspirational of slogans.’
‘I foresee increased inflation.’
‘They were so benign when they were first introduced.’
‘Things can only get better…’